How to become a decent human being

Contemplations on a new way of interaction

So currently we are at day 6. As you might have already figured out, I had a break in publishing and writing as well. This break happened because of our all well known friend “imposter”, who decided to hang around with me for a little while and whisper in my ear: “Come, it’s too hot. Let’s just chill and lay around and do something else. Like… staring at birds or screens or eating snacks. Who are you anyways. You are a horrible writer and let’s not even talk about the other skills you think you possess. Let me tell you: You don’t!”

Now this challenge today is talking about imposter syndrome and how we can overcome it.

I like the idea that writing a “How to..” — list and explain something you are good at could be the absolute game changer.

Now, the first thing that jumped into my head and that won’t leave it anymore is “How to become a decent human being”. I have no clue if I have sufficient skills to write about that! I have the assumption that this got stuck in my head because of the recent happenings and inhumanity increasing all around the world due to Covid19.
Or maybe with my general urge and pledge that we should remind ourselves of our humanness.

So this is going to be an experiment. An experiment of me trying to give some know-how of how to behave in a decent way. Of living an empathetic and passionate life.
I could probably write a book about that. And maybe I should at some point. Surely I will one day. Today I will only write spontaneously out of the potpourri of my experiences. Let’s go!

* All these subcategories are interwoven with each other. For easier reading they are separated*

Emotional environment

• work on yourself and heal yourself

This is a big one. We all have experiences, good or bad. And we all are carrying packages of trauma within us. Only until we fully integrate all parts within ourselves, can we be open and honest and true towards others.
The work that has to be done is not always nice. It can get rough and you might feel extremely uncomfortable. Yet, it is so rewarding. Integrating every aspect of your being, the parts that are hurt, angry, sad, happy, content, weak etc. will give you a chance to become wholesome within yourself. If you are wholesome within yourself, you are able to encounter another person on a different level. You will meet their diversity and understand, how fragmented their personae is, if they have not done their inner work. This means looking at the light within you but also facing the shadow. Take a close look at the emotions you avoid or store somewhere far away.

• smile and laugh more often

Smiling is contagious. It has the ability to change your mood, even though you are not fully convinced. Try this: If you feel sad or upset, take a look into the mirror and just smile. You might feel a little weird, but just go on. For at least 5 minutes. Smile and look at you. You might as well start laughing. You will see that after a while, your smile convinced your brain that you are happy and that the grudge you had before, is barely noticeable anymore.

• Educate yourself on empathy, ethical concepts, social awareness

The education on these topics should be as naturally as brushing your teeth. If we want to go on living on this beautiful place called earth, our only way forward is to find new ways of compassion and understanding for each other. Therefore we need to gather as much knowledge as possible within us.

Inner self

• be kind to yourself and love yourself like you would love your dream partner

We all deserve love. How about you search for it within before you search for it on the outside? There is a saying: “You can only love someone to the extend that you love yourself”. I find that very true. How can someone fall in love with us, if we do not even want to fall in love with ourselves?

• be true to yourself

Only if you are 100% honest and true to yourself can you be true and trustworthy for others. Its time to stop lying to the only person that is always there for you: yourself!

• Find comfort in discomfort

Only if you step out of your comfort zone, will you be able to grow. Growing and learning often happens through failure, so do not be afraid to fail in your attempts but rather see it as motivation to become even better and even more aware.

Social environment

• be kind to others beings

Kindness is one of the strongest catalysts towards a changed world. It creates a ripple effect. If you are kind to a person, this person and also you will be healed in this little act and will believe in something positive. The feeling of positivity releases happy-hormones, called endorphins, which strengthen our immune system and give us a positive outlook towards the world.

• Be impeccable in your word

Think before you speak. Which impact will your words have towards another person? How will that person feel? Words are powerful. They can completely destroy your conversational partner or empower him/her. Choose wisely.

• Put yourself into the shoes of other people. How would you feel in this situation?

This is a part of empathy. It is not easy to do, if you have never done it. Yet, training yourself in reflecting upon and questioning your behaviour will give you the skills of social awareness.

• Think about which impact your actions or words will have. Would you like to feel or hear them?

There are tools (e.g. Non-violent communication) out there, that can help us, approaching each other in a more understanding way. You will see that a change in how we talk to each other, will have immediate effect within our social encounters. It will also give you a big amount of satisfaction, because you will finally feel to be understood, as well as your conversational partner.
It builds trust and connection between us and with that, compassion can arise. Negative feelings are allowed to be expressed, but in a way that they do not hurt the other person.

• Go out with the mission to make others smile

As just explained above, the contagious properties of a smile are not only working with yourself but also with others. You will be baffled, how many people will smile back at you!

• Say thank you to the people around you and yourself

Gratitude is one of the keys to a successful and happy life. It is also a key stone in developing compassion and kindness. When did you say thank you to the cashier at the supermarket the last time? Gratitude shows that we value another person and their action. It shows that we care. That something another person does is of value for us. In the times of lockdown, when we do not have our usual social contacts and amenities around, we might notice more, what an important role other people play in our life. May it be our friends or the people who provide services to us on a daily basis.

• Do some volunteer work and get to know the people you help

Have you ever thought about to give away some of your superpowers to help someone else? How about instead of reading the news all day, you step out and take things into your own hands?
Fair point, at the moment it is hard to step out. Yet, especially in these times, so many people need our help. The wealth distribution is more than unfair and millions of people are suffering without food or only with the bare minimum.
If you do not want to get involved with people at the moment, how about you pack little packages for people in need. Maybe with some disinfectant, little bit of food, shower gel or a toothbrush and toothpaste? You can hang this on a fence or somewhere where you know people in need will come by. Maybe even write a note with some nice words.
This may not have a big impact on your life, but for sure it has a massive impact on the life of the person in need.

• Sympathise and feel with people. Show them compassion. Don’t pity them

Pity is an action that is very disempowering. It multiplies sorrow and suffering. And it gives way to just walk off without indication of positive change. Pitied people often feel that they are not taken seriously and not seen in their power but rather in their victimhood.
Sitting down and listening with an open heart to the story and then encourage the positive sides will as well create ripple effects.

• Empower your surroundings and yourself into self sufficiency

I am in India at the moment and one thing I learned for sure from this lockdown: Step into self sufficiency and independency from others.
Not only food wise, but also emotionally and socially. Recheck your social encounters. The quality of your connections. And then empower each other. When did you call someone that’s not family the last time just to tell them that you thought of them? Or that you just wanted to check on them?
Ask them about a project and then support them with your words at least.
Let us all empower each other to evolve.

• Don’t believe everything right away, ask questions and ask them politely

Especially in these times right now, where so many different views are out there, it is hard to find our truth. Whom to believe, which belief to follow? In these times it is important to recheck with your intuition. This feeling in your guts, that is telling you if something is off or not. You do not have to put up with everything, yet there is decency also in the revolting against an opinion. Be prepared and be polite. This will bring you a lot of credibility.

• Be polite and humble

We all deserve respect. Why? Because we can never know what another person has been through. Once you are truly respectful and meeting people at the heart level, doors will open and people will trust you all the way. They will restore faith. Be that light for others.

After reading this “How to” guide, you might think: “But where is the decency now?” Well it is a conglomerate out of all these and many more factors.

Start to love and never stop. Start to evolve and never stop.

I wish for you..

That you bend yourself. Into a new you. Into a new beginning. Into a new normal. Inwards. Circular. Like everything is. That you only send out, what you wish to receive and that you then watch the magic unfold.

Wander in love.