My mental health problems this year, and some things that have helped
I would categorise my mental health as ‘poor’ in 2021 — I’ve really struggled at times. I wanted to share some thoughts about this and some things that have helped me feel better. I think it’s important to be open about this stuff. I hope some of this will resonate — sometimes it’s good to know it isn’t just you. This is a very personal piece, but I’m very happy for it to be shared if you think it might help someone.
January blues
I often feel gloomier in the winter — like I’m entering a tunnel. The build up to Christmas is ok, but after that the prospect of darkness through January and Feb can feel challenging. This year things were made much worse by the third lockdown and, I think, some pandemic ‘trauma’ starting to bite.
I reckon everyone alive in 2020 will have registered some trauma to varying degrees and I’m using inverted commas for my trauma as although I was very anxious about Covid, I didn’t lose anyone close to me. I was also lucky to be in work with a strong and supportive team, a loving partner, kids at an age where they could self teach and Ocado coming once a week.
So yep, in the first lockdown I was anxious but also adrenaline fuelled; however, in January this year the novelty of the new normal had definitely worn off. Receiving a vaccine was still some way away. We’d tired of art activities and puzzles. But most of all we weren’t seeing people and I hadn’t truly understood how much I needed this before.
The small things add up
Talking with colleagues / friends / family on screens obviously has its limitations. There’s a sense, particularly with work calls, that the call should be useful and at the very least people should keep talking. But just being around people and not talking is good for us too — again, particularly in person. There’s something reassuring about the physical presence of other people. It’s nice just being in the room working together and occasionally looking up to say something. Some organisations have tried remote versions of this — at my partner’s work they’ve made an open line called The Library, where anyone can join anytime and just be with others, but it’s obviously not quite the same.
In working from home, the interactions that totally disappeared during lockdowns were the small daily chats that we have in passing, as we just move through the world. I’d never realised how much these mattered before. The three minutes of chat with fellow commuters waiting for the train, the 30 seconds whilst buying a coffee in Pret etc etc. These are smaller relationships outside of our closest circles with people who owe us nothing and have no obligation to engage, but in doing so signal that ‘things are ok’. These stopped happening and were replaced with a fear of others — people became obstacles to avoid by two metres when leaving the house.
Being an anxious person
Did my brain chemistry also make things worse? Perhaps. I ‘live in my head’ a lot (I’m sure a bit too much) — I’m certainly prone to levels of anxiety and introspection that can often feel unhelpful. In January I started to feel unhappy and my sleep started to spiral. I became depressed. Depression has a scale and mine wasn’t completely debilitating — I was getting out of bed in the morning and managing to get on with stuff each day — but I felt sad, exhausted and lonely and was often close to tears. These feelings came and went a bit — my life was great on paper but my thoughts were sometimes very challenging.
Some stuff that has helped
A few months on and I’m still having some low days but the picture is overall brighter. I don’t think there’s a single quick fix for depression but here are a combination of things I feel have helped me…
Seeing people again
So yep, hardly a revelation but unlocking and starting to see people again has helped a lot. I had mild double-jabbed Covid in the summer and I felt less anxious after that. Seeing friends, family and colleagues is helping a lot.
We’re still at home a lot more than before — as a team we’ve made the call to work ‘remote first’ — but a little can go a long way and meeting colleagues in person has felt great.
Small daily interactions
When you’re staying at home a lot it can feel like you’re losing a bit of protective shell — the confidence that comes from having to interact with different situations — those small daily interactions. Getting out of the house — an exhibition followed by a bus home — has restored some normality. Going to the cinema again has been a total joy.
Volunteering
I’ve started to help at our local farmers market. Doing stuff for others is a great way to focus less on yourself. It feels good.
Keeping a thought diary
Writing down thoughts and feelings can be hugely therapeutic. Some weight is offloaded and you can see things more objectively.
Two sleep books that work
Sleeping better is, for me, paramount to feeling better. These books are both great:
- The Effortless Sleep Method by Sasha Stephens
- Tired but Wired by Nerina Ramlakhan
Some great self help videos
Emma McAdam’s Therapy in a Nutshell has loads of useful content about different aspects of mental health. It’s a really generous resource and well worth supporting: https://www.youtube.com/c/TherapyinaNutshell
Talking therapy
I have fortnightly chats with a hypno-psychotherapist called Mark Witter. It’s really helped me a great deal in reframing unwanted thoughts. Being able to download to someone outside of your life feels really helpful. Mark is amazing. http://markwitter.com/
TRE (Tension, stress and trauma Releasing Exercises)
Tension, stress and trauma can become held in the body and TRE is a safe way of shaking them off. It’s perhaps one of the most interesting therapies I’ve ever experienced and feels like it’s helping in quite a deep way. It’s a ‘body helping the mind’ therapy — you’re allowing your nervous system to dictate how it wants to move and this creates a sense of ease in the body and a calmer, less easily triggered mind. I had a few lessons and can now do it by myself.
My teacher was Gill Stansfield — https://gillstansfield.com/. Gill teaches face-to-face or online, in private sessions or groups. Also more info at: https://traumaprevention.com/
Coaching
I’m very lucky to be having fortnightly coaching sessions. Earlier in the year I’d lost a lot of confidence around work and it’s helping me a great deal to get back into things. I feel more engaged and excited about the future. The coaching is with Nikki Gatenby, whom I highly recommend. https://superengaged.co.uk/aboutnikki
Cold showers
Inspired by the Just One Thing podcast I’ve been giving these a go — I switch the shower to cold for half a minute or so at the end. If you’re outside the room you can hear when this happens (lots of “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” and heavy breathing). I’ve found that I feel more energetic and better deal with stress on days that I do it.
A note on diet and exercise
Diet and exercise obviously play a huge role in how we feel. I tend to feel much calmer when I cut out sugar, caffeine and alcohol. Planning a catch up call as a ‘walk and talk’ gets you into the fresh air. Exercising for the sake of it is important too.
A note on pills
For me, the drugs don’t work. I can see how they might be useful when things feel close to the edge but I’d tried an antidepressant (Citalopram) after my dad died a few years ago and found that I felt fuzzier on it and that over time my anxieties crept back. Similarly with sleeping pills, they stop working after a bit and you’re left in a worse place than before.
I’m happy to talk about this
Anyway, worth mentioning that there are also lots of positives about this new time, but hopefully highlighting these challenges is a way to make things better. I’m always happy to talk about this stuff if anyone wants a chat.
