Work isn’t everything and that’s ok
Firstly, I must acknowledge that I’m lucky enough to be in a job where I have a high degree of autonomy and trust. Many of the reasons that have got me here are nothing to do with my skill, but pre-existing privilege.
However, I am increasingly realising that a healthy combination of work, home and ‘something else’ seems to help me have more balance and happiness in my life.
People want to care about their job. We are lucky enough to work in an industry that makes a difference and so it’s easy to throw yourself into it completely.
This helps us to make ourselves feel valued because the work we are doing is important and affects peoples’ lives.
However, if we’re to avoid burnout, create sustainable relationships and be happier, we have to look for other ways of doing things.
Don’t base your personal validation on any one thing
Wrapping your entire validation up in any job can be dangerous. When things go badly, as they always will at some stage, it is very hard not to take that personally.
The majority of success or failure is out of your control, so to put such a large bet on things going well is highly risky. It’s one of the reasons that internal validation, a sense of ease with yourself, can be so powerful — it reduces the danger of factors outside of your control have such a negative impact.
The same can be said about home.
You can still be committed to your job, your team and your family — in fact basing the value you add on the impact you have on your team might be the healthiest thing you can do. This moves you beyond being focussed solely on ‘success’ or ‘failure’ or ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.
Another benefit of increased balance when you’re at work is that everything becomes less personal.
For example, If you’re challenged you’re less likely to attach emotion to the comment, because it’s not your whole world.
You can see the objective situation more clearly and as such, make better choices.
Work out what you really like doing and why
‘Describe what you do without saying your job’ is a classic ice breaker. It’s interesting because it gets people to reflect on ‘the why’ of what they do rather than ‘the what’.
It’s beneficial if you can be constantly noticing which activities sustain your energy and which drain them.
‘What do you like doing’ is a surprisingly difficult question to answer. However if you can, you’ll be more likely to be able to pursue it. This doesn’t have to be just in your day job — once you’ve got a sense of it, you can use it in all parts of your life.
Remote working changes your relationships
With remote and flexible working, it’s less likely that we can get all our personal relationship needs from the people we work with.
Many of these relationships are simply different to what they were before.
For some it’s the opposite and because of the different ways we’re engaging these days, they actually feel closer to people.
The office environment was hard for many to engage with one another and so more structured, phone based conversations actually give them more connection.
Find your third place
Find something outside of work to help sustain you. This will be most rewarding if it’s connected to a true understanding of what activities really build your energy.
Of particular importance can be ‘third places’ — something that isn’t your house or office. These are the kind of places described in The Great Good Place:
- The American tavern in the American Revolution
- The French café in the French Revolution
- The London coffee house during the Enlightenment
- The agora in Greek democracy
All of these allow people to meet those that they wouldn’t expect to and grow their understanding of different perspectives.
The simple act of meeting a person you don’t already know can bring a lot to people — especially those with an extroverted personality.
I learnt this about this from reading “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. It says how you should try to have five big things, with only one of them being work. I still struggle to put it in practice, but in 2020 when I quit my job with no job to go to the world didn’t end and it taught me a lot about balance…
Lori, William Joseph Developer
So get out there (or stay in here) but try to look for what else you can do in the world which will help fulfil all that you need, to be happy.
PS: This article was inspired by the fantastic Dani Hughes — one of the best digital marketing experts I’ve ever worked with, plus someone who has incredible balance in her life.
