Practical tips and techniques learned in therapy

It is known that going to therapy is a matter of privilege. Not everyone has access to a good psychotherapist, this does not mean that all psychotherapists that have low fees are bad. Likewise, not every psychotherapist with a high fee is good. It’s tricky to find a psychotherapist who meets all of our needs. Finding the right psychotherapist for you can be a complicated process.

If you are interested in a free consultation or initiating a psychotherapeutic process with me you can visit https://trywillowtherapy.com/assessment/Angela_Alvarez.

During this pandemic new needs from our patients have emerged, such as:

• Online therapy (that was already practiced but not as much as now).
• Flexibility regarding interventions.
• Adapting to new dynamics and new environments.
• Techniques that patients can practice at home.

For me, psychoeducation (teaching and explaining to my patients how the brain, mind and body works in the context of psychotherapy) is a crucial aspect of my sessions. I try my best to involve my patients in all parts of the treatment and the process.

Today I will share and explain to you some tips and techniques I teach during my online and in-person sessions for patients to use them in your everyday life.

When can I use these techniques?

Wherever and whenever you feel like it. Choose a moment and a place where you can be fully present with yourself. If you are stuck somewhere with a lot of stimulus on the outside you can pick another time or place when it’s best for you, preferably a place where you feel at peace and calm. These practice sessions can be as long or short as you want.

Pay particular attention to how your body is feeling. The best way to do this is through a mental scan, starting from the head until you reach your feet, noticing your breath, your muscles and your heart rate. Avoid judging the experience, just let it flow and give yourself permission to feel.

Techniques and tips

Talking to yourself with kindness and love

• Whenever you catch your inner critic (the part of you that likes to focus on what’s wrong and missing) try to thank it for being there (it is only trying to protect you). This is a gentle way to ease it’s pain.
• Ask your inner critic to gently step back for a moment. You can say something to yourself like “hey, I know you’re trying to protect me, and I appreciate it and right now I don’t need you”.
• Then you can practice some self-affirmations like: “This is hard, and I know I can navigate difficult situations”.
• Remember, talk to yourself like you would talk to a loved one.

Write down irrational thoughts and challenge them with their counterpart

• Write down every irrational or rational negative thought that you have — you can write them down on paper or in your cell phone.
• For each negative thought there is a positive thought or a positive affirmation, you just need to find it (e.g., “I will fail the exam that I’m taking tomorrow, It’s very difficult” vs. “The exam tomorrow is difficult and I’m capable of achieving difficult tasks, I can pass the exam tomorrow”). Write down a positive thought next to the negative thought.
• Notice how our mind is selectively thinking about what could go wrong? What if things went right?

Focus on your breathing, your heart rate and your muscles.

• Sit in a comfortable position and notice how your body is reacting to your thoughts.
• Take a few moments to breath slowly.
• Ground yourself to your body and let it connect with your mind.
• It only takes 20 mins to self-regulate.

When the anxiety comes, move your body

• Identify whenever you are feeling anxious or uncomfortable — that means that you are perceiving that something is not right, and the emotion needs to be felt and then leave the body.
• You can exercise, go for a walk, move your body, etc…

Recognize your triggers

• Everyone has different triggers, only you know what they look like and how they feel.
• Again, do a mental scan and recognize the signals in your body.
• Before you react, take a moment and tell yourself “oh, here it is, I am feeling x or y and I know this is a trigger”, then leave the place physically, you can go to another room where you feel more calm and practice some self-regulation.

Replace the word “but” with “and”

• Have you noticed that we constantly use the word “but”? “I’m sorry I hurt you, but it wasn’t my intention”. Our mind is trained to be dichotomic (black or white thinking). If we replace the word “but” with “and” in a sentence, we change its meaning. “I’m sorry I hurt you and it wasn’t my intention.” This will help you reframe what you want to say and cognitively speaking it will change the way you think and communicate.

Remember the process is fluid, not linear

• We all fall in the type of thinking where the process is linear, meaning that we won’t have fall downs or steps back. We want the process to be clear and predictable (that way we can control it and prepare for it). The truth is that the process is fluid, which means that it is full of ups and downs. Tolerating this is a crucial part of the process. Be gentle with yourself, it is a learning process.

Remember that practice, consistency and patience is the key for creating new habits. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that your brain and body are used to specific ways of thinking and reacting due to your experiences. We are beings that learn behaviors very quickly through reward and punishment. Give yourself an opportunity to try new dynamics, new ways of thinking and new ways of responding.

How do I know if I’m doing them the right way?

After doing the techniques do you feel a little bit better? Then you are doing them the right way. And just to be clear, you can practice creativity and flexibility. If you find new ways or different ways to use the techniques and they work, then keep doing them the way you want to.

There is no “right” way of doing self-regulation. As long as you don’t harm yourself or others it’s all good. Just remember to give yourself permission to feel. The goal is not to avoid the feelings and emotions, the goal is to allow them to be in your body, it is to take a moment and lean into the uncomfortable. You will be surprised how quickly the feeling will pass.

Now, what to do with this?

Watch the process, witness the change, give yourself a chance to change, celebrate small steps, be kind, share and enjoy. These are techniques and tips that you probably already knew, you may even practice some of them without even noticing. You just needed a little remainder and someone to tell you to notice them.

This is being human; it means to feel everything that your body and mind need to feel. Society rewards “desired” feelings such as happiness, harmony and thankfulness. The not so “desired” feelings are often punished by society, so be mindful on how this has an impact in your life. Most people don’t know how to respond to feelings such as sadness, anger or pain. You will be amazed by how validation and kindness can comfort you. Your feelings are there for a reason, let them be.

This will be a never-ending learning process. Tomorrow you will probably learn more about yourself, you will learn what helps and what carries a heavy weight on your heart. Enjoy this and reflect on how this informs the way you navigate your life. Be patient, be kind and practice self-compassion.