Therapists see Therapists too: My Therapy Journey as a Therapist

We all need therapy at some point, that’s what I always tell my patients and that’s usually the way I start explaining how therapy works. The moment I felt the need to start therapy happened 10 years ago. I was not even considering studying psychology, less becoming a psychotherapist.

Sometimes we reach a point in our life where we feel we can’t handle things by ourselves. Society teaches us that we need to face our problems alone. To this day there is a huge stigma and misconception regarding therapy. I am here to tell you that you do not need to face this alone. If you feel like you are struggling, feeling sad, anxious, overwhelmed, or anything else you should seek professional mental help. There is no greater pain than suffering alone. You don’t have to be alone during this process. If you are interested in a free consultation with me or another therapist, you can visit https://trywillowtherapy.com.

Teenage Troubles, My Start to Therapy

When I was around 17, I was going through a rough time. I was going through a difficult break-up; a toxic relationship had just ended and I was also in a tough spot in school. I felt sad and rejected. I was confused about who I was and my purpose in life. I felt isolated. I was not sure if what I felt was normal, was it part of adolescence to feel bad? Was it because of the break-up? Why did I feel like that, am I not supposed to feel relieved after a toxic relationship? All of these questions popped into my head.

I finally asked my mom what I should do, and she suggested psychotherapy. I asked myself “what’s that?” Is it going to be useful? I had very little knowledge about therapy, mental health, and psychology in general. I decided to give it a try, so I called a therapist that my mom knew and scheduled the first session.

The waiting room and my first session

It was a Tuesday at 6:30 pm, I arrived at the therapist’s office and she told me to sit in the waiting room and text her when I arrived, so I did just that. Little did I know that while I was sitting in that waiting room contemplating the pieces of art and magazines I was about to start one of the hardest and most spectacular processes of my life. The therapist came down the stairs and asked me to join her in her office. I sat there contemplating the many books she had on the bookshelf. She sat in front of me and I sat across the room on a couch that felt comfortable. In front of me, there was a carpet. Besides me, there was a coffee table with a box of tissues.

After a moment of silence, she asked me “so, can you tell me what brings you here?” I then proceeded to vomit every single piece of information regarding my relationship with my ex, my struggles in school, and how I was feeling (this is a common experience for patients). She sat there and occasionally asked some questions. I did most of the talking and after 45 minutes I left that room feeling a little bit better. I told myself “wow, so that’s therapy huh, cool.” I then scheduled a second session.

Resisting the process

After a couple of sessions my therapist started asking me questions regarding how things at home were, she started asking me about how the pain was affecting me, she also asked about my family and stuff I didn’t know I was not prepared to talk about. I felt angry and uncomfortable, I was not angry at her, I just felt anger. At that moment I didn’t know, but I was resisting the process. After the third session, I canceled the next two sessions in a row. In the third week, she texted me “why don’t you come here, and we talk about how you’re feeling?” and I replied, “There’s nothing I want to talk about” and her response was “that’s ok, let’s just get you here”. I don’t know what it was that made me go but I went. And it finally happened, I started opening up to my pain. Today, in reflection, I feel deep gratitude for my therapist’s push; for insisting on going to one more session, and for not letting me isolate myself from the world.

It is very common for patients to go for just one session and not come back. In supervision, I learned that some patients just need one session. Most patients feel very good during the first session and think that they don’t need more sessions, this can be a mistake. It’s similar when the doctor prescribes antibiotics and you stop taking them when you feel better, you must finish your antibiotics, it is also important that you continue the therapeutic process and, if you decide to end it, you must have closure. Remember that continuing a process and tolerating the pain is an important part of therapy. Lean into the uncomfortable and witness your own emotions shifting and transforming. Internal change takes time and patience.

What I learned in therapy

I have been in therapy (with the same therapist) for 10 years now. This is something that I chose. You do not need to be in therapy as long as I have, likewise, you can be in therapy as long as you want to. Therapy is completely personal and a unique experience for each individual. I benefit a lot from my process, and I consider it an important part of my life since I have my pain, my struggles, and my own emotions.

Over the past 10 years in therapy, I have learned a lot of things. The most important lessons for me during this time are:

• Sitting with my own emotions.
• Learning how to tolerate uncomfortable feelings.
• To be patient (very patient) with the process.
• To set boundaries.
• Have self-compassion.
• Understand my past experiences and how they affect the way I interact with others.
• How to face the parts of myself that I don’t like.
• To accept others and myself.

Lessons and reflections come in waves. We need the gift of time for us to gain perspective and see things from another angle. Therapy for me has been a sea of learning, an ocean of reflections with storms, with peace and balance. I have had the opportunity to meet myself, to go back to myself, to get lost, to feel, and to connect. It has been a beautiful and painful journey as well. I now understand so many things that I didn’t understand before and I have had a source of support that I very much needed and still want. I had so many expectations regarding therapy that at some point I felt disappointed. The moment I allowed myself to just sit there and be mindful of the process is when I truly started therapy.

Perhaps the most important lesson for me has been to accept that the relationship with my therapist says a lot about me. My relationship with my therapist has shifted, changed, and transformed over time. We slowly built a connection through emotion. Our relationship is also a mirror; it reflects my relationships, my fears, my essence as a therapist myself, and my resilience.