The Truth (and Lies) Behind “I’m too busy.”

From miscommunications to productivity hacks.

Have you ever asked someone to do something and their response was “I’m too busy”? It could have been a favor, or simply to come to an event you had planned for the weekend. But what does it really mean?

The Miscommunication of “I’m too busy”

We’ve heard it from friends, family and co-workers. And, at times we are guilty of saying it. It is a fact that each person determines their priorities and schedule, and thus they know if they are available or busy. This makes being able to effectively communicate what we have going on, a skillset in itself.

Language and communication can be quite tricky. Sometimes we say what we don’t mean, and other times when we do say what we mean, it gets misinterpreted.

In my last article “The Evolution of Communication and the Use of Symbols”, I spoke about how easy it is for humans to misinterpret each other. We see the world through our unique experiences. This can result in miscommunication as we have our own beliefs and interpret things differently. The term “I’m too busy” is a similar topic when it comes to our effectiveness in communication.

Are people really so busy that they don’t have enough time?

What are the reasons someone might say “I’m too busy”?

They have something to do and can’t make it happen.

Humans are very interesting in nature… especially when it comes to daily schedules and how much we take on. Many of us over-schedule ourselves with more than we can handle, and then feel over-stressed by a time crunch. This takes a vicious toll on our health and relationships if not managed properly.

Poor time management.

It is no surprise that people generally are not maximizing the time in their day. I am not one to preach about a perfect balance in my day, but I understand the general concepts of organization and productivity. We each have 24 hours in a day — how we choose to prioritize our to-do list is up to us. Understand that what we add the most value to will be our priority, and frequently, those items consume the most time.

You are not their priority.

This is a tough reality, but with enough life experiences we either learn to not take it personally, or we remove these people from our lives. People again have their own agenda and will place more emphasis on what they see as their greatest priorities.

The white lie.

Sometimes we have long days and don’t feel like doing anything. And so, some people feel that it is easier to say they are busy with something else rather than to potentially hurt feelings. Whether you agree with this or not, it happens.

No matter the reason (and I am sure there are plenty more), people are people. We are learning and growing. The best thing we can do is to understand how we show up in life. Could we be more productive? Should we pay more attention to the ways we impact our relationships by having busy schedules?

The results of poor communication

Deep down we all know the truth behind why we say we are too busy. But what we don’t always realize, is the impact it can have on the people around us, and most importantly, ourselves.

By simply telling someone that we’re too busy, we are not explaining what that means. And that has an impact on the people around us.

For many, it gives the impression that they are not a priority, which can harm the relationship.

Think about the last time someone said they we were too busy to help you with something. Did they explain what was going on? Did they make an alternative plan? What did you feel?

Sometimes we might be frustrated when we hear someone say this. Do you know why that is? Likely, because it is important to you.

Also likely because it was not explained clearly or effectively.

It impacts our internal life and mindset

Being too busy is a mindset, and can very well be a mindset of lack. There is always time in the day to move a few minutes around, it just depends on what we are willing to sacrifice.

When we say things often enough, we will begin to believe our words as our truth. Similar to self-confidence, what we say truly matters to us and others.

Being honest in our intentions

Even if we are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, we must do our best to not lie about what is going on. Explaining why we are too busy can be difficult at first, and may come off harsh, but it will establish trust and build your relationship. Do your best to be empathetic and come from a place of good intention.

Although technology makes communication quick and easy, it is sometimes too easy to come off as a robot. Take time before you respond to someone about your busy schedule.

Not only does it help the relationship, but it helps with internal stresses of having to come up with an excuse. Excuses take a lot of our energy and are not worth it.

Let’s face it: some people might not be receptive to your honesty. If someone takes it personally, there is nothing you can do about it.

Relationships require give and take

If you can’t rearrange your schedule, think about what you can do. Consider seeking to schedule another time where you can make them your priority.

Also consider sacrificing another task. It could be an hour out of your day to make it happen, but it could make the world of difference in your relationship. Note that you also can’t give up your well-being consistently for someone else. Life is about finding that right balance.

Is your schedule too busy?

It might be time to reflect on your daily schedule, especially if you feel you are always too busy. Having a continuously busy schedule can lead to more stress than needed.

Some stress can be a good thing, such as strict deadlines, but being consistently too busy can lead to stress that impacts our productivity. There have been many studies that prove the impacts of the different levels of stress. Do you know where you stand?

So what can you do about it?

Take an internal audit. This is important so that you can learn about your priorities. You’ll want to understand how to measure the value of where your time is spent each day.

Consider using a proven approach to productivity like the ABC Method. Start by prioritizing your day by writing everything down you need to complete. Mark or rank your tasks by their importance from critical to nice-to-haves. Tackle the critical items first, then secondary, and so on.

It can be easy to get overwhelmed if you try to do everything at once. This results in a great deal of stress and the feeling that you never accomplish things. Don’t attempt to do everything at once.

Add some creativity

When I first started freelancing many years ago, I found a method that got me excited to take on my day. I would sit at a coffee shop (shoutout to the Blonde roast at Starbucks) and have my computer, coffee and to-do list laid out in front of me. Now, why was I so excited?

I added my own flare to how I organized my day. My to-do list was a system of color-coded sticky notes, each with their own purpose.

I first broke out two columns — one for my personal life and one for my professional. Then I used different color sticky notes based on the ABC Method above (which I had no idea I was doing). The dark purple/red was a must do today. Yellow were the fillers that I’d get done between the big tasks. Green were the things I knew I wanted to get done, but could push to the next day if needed.

I would start each day by creating these lists, moving incomplete items from previous days to my list for the current day.

What did this do for me?

• it helped me get excited about my day
• it compartmentalized my tasks so that they were easier to digest
• it was a creative outlet to get my mind warmed up
• it even attracted many of my clients at the time, as it intrigued people
• it taught me key elements of storyboarding

When you’re a freelancer, you need to stay self-motivated and find tricks of the trade. Hence my co-worker’s article The Realities of a 1099 Consultant, Why It’s a Tough Gig, and How to Hack It. But these principles can be applied to every person out there.

Dig into your creativity.

Celebrate!

Celebrate, and celebrate often. I can’t emphasize how important it is to celebrate your victories, small or large. To keep your life in order and productive, you must be motivated. It is that simple.

Use productivity tools

The final thing I would recommend, is to find a system that works best for you. There is an endless amount of tools and applications built for enhancing productivity.

These are just some of the few I’ve used:

• Todoist — an app that allows you to customize your to-do list and optimize your personal and professional life
• Google Calendar — free time-management and scheduling calendar service that integrates across multiple devices
• Google Docs — documents that have smart editing and styling tools to help you easily format text and paragraphs live on the web (one of my personal favorites)
• Sticky notes — you read the story above… this is the OG

Bringing it all together

Usually there is truth in “I’m too busy”, but quite often, being “too busy” is not the reality. Little phrases such as this have a much deeper meaning, so you should consider how these affect your life.

For a better lifestyle and closer relationships — seek to understand and improve the words you use.