Double check the pan before you bake your cake
Baked Goods
Ruin a Fairy Tale
Hansel finally prevailed, but he felt like he was wrestling a woman thirty years younger than the hag who enticed them into the kitchen with candy. A sweet old granny with sharp teeth and an appetite for children. For a moment, just after he knocked over the lamp and plunged the room into darkness, Hansel thought he was a goner. The bitch bit him in the shoulder and sank her teeth into his flesh like grappling hooks.
Finally, he grabbed her hair and pulled her away, forcing her to release his shoulder. He rolled her over and held her to the floor with his body while she kicked and battered his backside, his butt, his neck. He ripped the hem of his shirt and bound her wrists before hefting her over his shoulder and tossing her into the brick oven which waited, flames lapping the gate, for something to roast.
She screamed as harshly as Gretel when they tousled in the back yard, just before his mother spanked him for being too rough with the sister who bit him.
For a moment, just after he knocked over the lamp and plunged the room into darkness, Hansel thought he was a goner. The bitch bit him in the shoulder and sank her teeth into his flesh like grappling hooks.
He slammed the door shut and turned to hold it in place with his back. Time to celebrate his victory with Gretel.
The witch retrieved the lamp and turned up the flame until the light carved her features with shadows. She grabbed her cleaver and sharpened it on the whetting stone. Her hooked nose curled down to her chin, and drool dripped from the corner of her lip.
‘Oops,’ he said, and looked for a quick escape. But during the struggle, the witch had bolted the door.
Gone, but never forgotten. Don’t Miss
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus, and the children’s book parody Furious George. Follow him at Phillip T Stephens.
