Wind Eggs
Published in

Wind Eggs

Sometimes the example teaches the wrong lesson

Role Models

Small Tales

Frantic mother ignores family
Source image by ollyy

Ms. Wonderlove dodged another spitball. It landed on the blackboard with a fat splat, dribbling a trail of saliva as it crawled toward the chalk tray. In the back of the room, Billy Malo tied Suzie Mascota’s pony tail to her chair, while Dickie Denkins and Bodie Nozy flicked a paper football back and forth across the room, which showed more engagement than the rest of her class who stared at their open books like Zombies that lost their appetite for flesh.

Even worse, today was the day she’d assigned “Role Models,” the worst possible lesson for a class filled with fifth-grade boys whose role model was the guy who could stick his finger furthest up his nose and trigger a loud fart. But she didn’t pick the lessons, the state Board of Education dictated both lessons and lesson plans. The Board of Education — by-the-book bureaucrats who couldn’t cut it in the classroom and had forgotten what children were really like about the same time they started denying that they took drugs in college.

She cleared her throat. “Class, today we’re going to talk about role models. Role models are important because they teach us how to behave with other people. Can anyone give me an example of a role model?”

Today was the day Ms. Wonderlove assigned “Role Models,” the worst possible lesson for a class filled with fifth-grade boys whose role model was the guy who could stick his finger furthest up his nose and trigger a loud fart.

Joey Gerghov raised his hand. “President Trump?”

Ms. Wonderlove groaned inside. This was why she hated the role models lesson, because of kids like Joey who insisted everyone call him Friedrich von Supermann and wore swastikas on his sleeve. The school couldn’t do anything about it because his dad was a lawyer for the NRA.

Ebony timidly raised her hand. “Michelle Obama?” Ebony was the only black student in the fifth grade and that because the school district employed her father as their “diversity hire.” As soon as Ebony spoke, all the boys blew raspberries except for Joey who raised his hand in a salute and said, “It’s time to call immigration.”

Ms. Wonderlove rubbed her brow. “Those are good examples. But how about people you know? For instance, your parents. What examples do your parents set for you to follow?”

Billy dropped Suzie’s ponytail and leaped from his seat. “You mean like lie to our wives, break promises to the kids and drink on the sly?”

Don’t miss my newest book

Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus, and the children’s book parody Furious George. Follow him Phillip T Stephens

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Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T Stephens

Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.