Wind Eggs
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Wind Eggs

Does the spark of inspiration light your pipe, or does the pipe seem more inspiring when you smoke?

Stoner Scholarship

Small Tales

Subject tries to write and roll joint at same time
Source image by Circe Denyer

His Civics teacher announced the essay test six weeks in advance and even told them the questions covered on the test which gave Stoner Pete six whole weeks to study — six weeks of which he took full advantage, or would have if he hadn’t used the list of questions to roll a joint when he ran out of papers and then forgotten to ask for a new one because he was too busy grooming his new hybrid strain Pineapple Express Gelato in the hydroponic farm in his father’s work shed (which the parents never went to anymore considering the old man was in Hawaii with his fitness instructor and his old lady went to bed with her bottle about two hours after she got home from work).

Pete was so busy trimming buds and sampling his new product that he completely forgot about the test until his best friend, Scooby said, “Dude, don’t we have a test in history tomorrow?”

Pete was so busy trimming buds and sampling his new product that he completely forgot about the test until his best friend, Scooby, that was his real name since his parents were mega stoners too, slapped his head with his hand, or at least tried to and missed by a good six inches, but anyway Scooby said, “Dude, don’t we have a test in history tomorrow?” at which time Pete said, “we better study after we fire this bowl,” and then another bowl, and a third and then his mother was banging on the door shouting to get the fuck up because he was late for school and maybe he should take a shower because the cops could smell his weed all the way to the station, but it didn’t matter because when it was over Stoner Pete aced that test, as he told Scooby when they kicked back on the futon with a fresh bowl, like “Dude, I aced it. No way I won’t get an A on my essay about Cesar Chavez and how he made Saturday Night Live a Mega Hit with his impressions of Donald Trump.”

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Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus, and the children’s book parody Furious George. Follow him Phillip T Stephens

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Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T Stephens

Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.

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