Let he who is sinless move ahead in the line to heaven so the rest of us can live our lives free of judgment
What’s Good for the Gander
Home Spun Tales (Variations on a theme 3)
BEAUREGARD BURST INTO HIS BEDROOM, his cheeks red with indignation. He’d driven four hours from Chicago on I-90, stopping only for a ticket at a speed trap in South Bend, and a second speed trap in Elkhart to catch the people who doubled down after their South Bend delay. He left the car running in the driveway as he stormed into the house to verify the rumor.
The rumor he needed to verify was one he overheard during the after-conference cocktail party for Midwestern dentists, a rumor about his wife Eileen and a certain dental hygienist she’d met at a conference the year before. A certain dental hygienist of Latin descent who looked better than Beau did in his prime — even before the beer belly and the failed hair plugs.
The rumor Beauregard needed to verify was one he overheard during the after-conference cocktail party for Midwestern dentists, a rumor about his wife Eileen and a dental hygienist she’d met at a conference the year before.
Damned if Beau was going to give up on a marriage that would probably cost him more in alimony than the rent on his practice. He’d made an investment in his marriage, and he wasn’t sharing his wife with anyone until she signed the divorce papers.
Which is why he burst into the bedroom, his cheeks red with indignation. “Who’s that man whore in our bed, Eileen?”
Eileen slipped under the covers, but the man whore sat straight, his back against the headboard. Jorge, Bob Heinrich’s chief hygienist. Jorge’s face flushed with rage and disappointment. “Beau, I’ve been sleeping with you for a year. Why didn’t you tell me you’re married.”
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Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus, and the children’s book parody Furious George. Follow him at Phillip T Stephens.
