The joke stops being funny when irony turns to reality
When Shaggy Dogs Shed
Steve and Jane led the citizen’s fire brigade against the Blob (later classified polymorphous ambiguous extraterrestrial quasi-amoebalike entity by the DOD), each of its members armed with a state-of-the art CO2 fire extinguisher manufactured by Hollywood Props Inc made specifically to douse flames and freeze polymorphous alien entities. They herded the quivering mass to the high school football field where they held it in place until
The cavalry arrived — the Pennsylvania State Guard, an entire division dispatched from Philadelphia with military grade Hollywood CO2 extinguishers that froze the beast into compliance. Once they locked the creature into a self-contained, irregularly shaped block of ice they drilled holes into the surface to screw hooks to which they attached cables which they also attached to five Sikorsky CH-37 Mojave helicopters which lifted the inert creature from the field and transported it to the arctic which, they presumed, would contain the creature until they figured out how to destroy it.
The cavalry arrived — the Pennsylvania State Guard, an entire division dispatched from Philadelphia with military grade Hollywood CO2 extinguishers that froze the beast into compliance. O
“At least it’s stopped, we can be sure of that,” said Lt. Dave to which Steve replied, “Yeah, as long as the Arctic stays cold,” a statement which most wrote off as a weak punchline to a shaggy dog story of a movie (considering the fact that it was the arctic which was, by definition, frozen).
At least until an orange creature, with fake hair pasted on awkwardly to make him look human, broke the word of the most powerful nation in the world and withdrew from a treaty to keep the arctic cold and contain the beast. Little did anyone realize they’d witnessed the set-up to the upcoming 2024 blockbuster, “BLOB II: Global Warming.”
Find my books online
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus, and the children’s book parody Furious George. Follow him at Phillip T Stephens.
