Wind Eggs
Published in

Wind Eggs

If your gut says push the button, push the button

Wish Fulfillment

Home Spun Tales

Source image by nndanko

Every damn day Jane tripped over a screwdriver in the living room, found a carburetor on her sink, or ruined the garbage disposal because of hex nuts in the blades. She loaded the Divorce-R-Us website and thought about clicking the ‘make appointment’ link. Her finger hovered above the button a half-minute longer each day.

Yesterday, for instance, she stubbed her toe on the sledgehammer Don left on the stairs. The stairs? Who needs a sledgehammer on the stairs? The day before she found a can of WD-40 leaking on her $500 India and Purry cotton sheets she left folded on the kitchen table. Last night she showed Don the Divorce-R-Us website and told him she’d click that “make appointment” link if he didn’t keep his tools in the garage.

Every day Jane loaded the Divorce-R-Us website and thought about clicking the ‘make appointment’ link.

She found chain saw parts on her Regalia cherry dining table, the chain biting into the lacquer finish. She loaded the website on her phone, muttering, “I never want to see the bastard’s face again,” beneath her breath. Don granted her wish moments later when he crept behind her with a hood and handcuffs. And his brand new chainsaw.

Gone, and hopefully forgotten.

Don’t miss the true fake biography of a former President

Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus, and the children’s book parody Furious George. Follow him at Phillip T Stephens.

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