On Love

These little notes, which old souls like us write, are really our healing manuals; products that sometimes come out of our most private conversations with self. But it’s not like you can’t use it; you should. That’s why, that little courage we muster every time, pushes us to put it out there.

Character, I have come to conclude, is very important to the human experience. And for those of us who are privileged enough to talk about it, perhaps it is something we should measure ourselves against; every day, someday, the last day. Especially the last day. Sure, she could be the intellectual; the one who knows. The one who is the thought leader, of us commoners; without compassion though, whose heart can she buy and whose mind can she conquer? Will you run to her when you find a lump under your skin, or hear your heart breaking to a loss you can’t fill? She can condescend and combat and vomit at your intellect all she likes, but what is it to you if she no longer speaks your language?

Perhaps he is family. Perhaps he was born with you, and kept in a little cradle just like yours; whose hand-me-downs you wore to school and whose help you sought to solve linear equations. Perhaps your grownups told you that he’d never let go. Perhaps you believed it. But is he willing to protect you from your abusive self? Better, not find an opportunity to join hands with it? If no, then you must run. Like someone said, you must walk away, and never turn back. You must find that little light inside of you, hold on to it tightly, and brave yourself to say this: Nothing, absolutely nothing, warrants abuse; not any kind; not when you’re strong, not when you’re broken; especially not when you’re broken. This is not love. Run.

…And love will come. It could be broken, just like you; it could be struggling, and a little lost, or a lot lost. It could be perfect, it could be silly. It could be anything, really. But it won’t be abuse; and definitely not the kind that comes camouflaged as love. And so you’ll know it, not by its shine or shimmer, but by its character.