Why I Get Nervous in My Every China’s Art History Class
Whenever I am in ancient China’s art history class, I am nervous.
Every. Single. Time.
It is not because my professor is terrifying, or the lecture is too intensive and complicated for students like me to follow. The course is easy to handle as long as I work normally hard, and the professor is an erudite scholar and one of the kindest gentlemen I have ever met. After all, who else would recognize one of his over 100 students on the road and greet to her first with a nod in smile.
I get nervous, whenever a picture of selected artwork is displayed. Understanding that the pictures appearing on screen may set the first impression and establish the overall feelings toward ancient Chinese art, at those moments I cannot help imagining how those none-Chinese students in the class will like them. There are billions of delicate antiques throughout five thousand years of history, and far better ones than displayed ones exist. An unanswered question keeps entrenching on my mind since the first lecture, whether these foreign friends would fall for Chinese art and appreciate it through them.
I get nervous, whenever pictures taken by the professor are displayed. Unfortunately, although professor himself loves Chinese art and culture, he is not excellent at photographing. The pictures of Suzhou my hometown, mentioned as the ancient cultural capital during several dynasties, and Shanghai, the nowadays financial capital city as one representative of modern China’s metropolis, are only able to present one thousandth charm of them! The pictures of both cities were taken back in 1980s. The light was gloom, and the compositions were not great enough for people that have never been to China to gain an accurate view of how China is truly like.
“These photos are out of date, and it is now quite different from what these photos show.” said the professor, “But China is developing at an incredible speed, changing for better every second. The development of China is a mankind miracle.”“But the pictures are not convincing at all!” I shouted in heart silently. The professor’ appreciation for China may not be able to be passed his none-Chinese students. Or worse, the classmates sitting around who are marveling at the pictures or nodding in agreement with the professor may be underestimating what my country has achieved.
When in China, if I heard any Chinese people say that they do not like ancient Chinese art, or Chinese style architecture, or Chinese food, I would think “Fine. None of my business.” I had never had such thoughts about how people around me will look at our country back in China. But after I came to the United States, staying among people with different nationalities, I strongly hope they will like or at least feel nothing negative toward any objects of China. I would try my best to find photos that can best reflect my country’s charm. I would deliberate on every detail when American friends ask me for Chinese restaurant recommendations… This mindset can be roughly described as I can criticize my own country, but not you. I would wish to display all positive side of it to you, and if you say a bad word towards my country, I will do whatever to convince you the falseness.
I attribute such a phenomenon to my country pride. The nervousness comes from the sense of responsibility. Keeping this sense in my heart, I always speak and act cautiously because no one will carefully analyze every encountered person’s intention for certain behavior, nor will anyone have the intuition into certain individual’s backgrounds or their reasons to do certain things. Being in an environment in which no one knows you, others will automatically categorize you into an ethnicity and make you represent the whole group in their minds, whether you or the “group” agree or not. For me, the group I represent is Chinese.
There have already a large number of preset bias and stereotypes of Chinese people. What I am trying to do is to donate as much as my efforts to help people around me learn more about China and Chinese brilliant culture, to prove that not all the Chinese are shy, nerdy, impolite, and dishonest.
Keep nervous and stay honest. O ever be awed, O ever responsible.
