I was a cyborg, but I panicked…

How to confront our fears of the digital.

A computer with battery was implanted in my back, with wires into my head. Then it freaked me out…

It must have been about three in the morning. Suddenly it was there, I was awake, probably. Fear was inside my head, turning my brain into an autonomous engine. My legs giving way, arms hugging my chest, I started to rock to and fro.
It is inside of me! It is stuck! I cannot get it out!
I was scared, really scared, and I could not control my fear, my thoughts turned in a wheel, spun round, in ever increasing circles and I — I? Who was the I in that moment? — could not stop thinking.
It is inside of me! It is stuck! I cannot get it out!
I fled the bed, put myself on the floor against a couch. Nice, cold, made me feel my body, I was still here, Moving helped, now I wanted to flee, I had to flee, my body yelled, screamed: ‘Flee!’
An additional strange sensation: my chest seemed to explode, it burned, my blood pumping boiling waves up to my skin, and at the same time I shivered, ice cold, What was happening to me? This was something physical.
Ever more complicated became the scenario’s about the device in my back, about what could go wrong with the battery pack and the electric wires that go up along my spine into my head. Leaking battery. Electrocution.
I tried to get up and stopped halfway. Not to…