Rewiring the Executive Coach’s Mind: My Experience with At-Home Ketamine
Stepping into the Unknown
Preparing for my first ketamine therapy session was a mix of excitement and anxiety. This was entirely new territory for me as a former clinician and now an executive coach. Given my experiences and past in the emergency department, I am hyper-vigilant and need to stay in control.
Letting go into a process where I was no longer in control — the ketamine was — was the biggest challenge for me. I rarely drink alcohol and like to maintain control over my experiences. Trusting in the process and the medicine was a significant challenge, but I knew I had to take this leap to see real change.
If you missed last week’s post, “Rewiring My Brain: Intro Part 1,” where I introduced my journey with ketamine therapy, you can read it here.
Understanding Clinical Options
Comparing Treatment Settings
When I decided to explore ketamine therapy, I found that there were various clinical options available. Ketamine therapy can be administered in different settings, including traditional clinical environments, specialized ketamine clinics, and even at-home treatments.
Traditional Clinical Environments (Hospitals or Medical Offices)
Benefits:
Unparalleled Safety: Offers the highest level of medical supervision with immediate access to emergency care if needed.
Intravenous (IV) Administration: This typically involves IV infusions, which some studies suggest may provide faster and more potent effects for certain individuals.
Structured Setting: The controlled environment can reassure those anxious about the treatment.
Considerations:
Limited Privacy: The clinical setting may feel less personal and private.
Inconvenience: Requires travel to the facility, which may be difficult for some individuals.
Higher Costs: Often more expensive due to the level of medical supervision and resources involved.
Specialized Ketamine Clinics
Benefits:
Expertise: Staffed by clinicians specializing in ketamine therapy for mental health conditions.
Personalized Care: Offers tailored treatment plans and comprehensive support, including preparation and integration sessions.
Variety of Administration Methods: May offer IV infusions, IM injections, or sublingual lozenges to suit individual needs.
Considerations:
Limited Availability: These clinics may not be available in all areas.
Scheduling: Appointment times may be less flexible than at-home options.
Cost: Can be expensive, although some clinics offer sliding scale fees or accept insurance.
At-Home Treatments
Benefits:
Convenience and Comfort: Allows individuals to undergo treatment in their home’s familiar and comfortable environment.
Privacy: Offers a discreet and private setting for those who avoid clinical environments.
Flexibility: Ideal for individuals with busy schedules or those who travel frequently.
Affordability: Often more cost-effective than traditional or specialized clinic settings.
Considerations:
Self-Discipline: Requires a certain level of self-discipline and responsibility to follow the treatment protocol correctly.
Less Immediate Medical Supervision: While virtual support is provided, no in-person medical professional is present during the session.
Limited to Sublingual Administration: Currently, at-home treatments primarily use sublingual ketamine tablets or troches.
Choosing the Right Setting
The ideal setting for ketamine therapy depends on individual preferences, needs, and medical history. It’s crucial to weigh the pros and cons of each option and consult with a qualified healthcare provider to determine the most suitable approach.
Why I Chose MindBloom
On-site ketamine therapy treatments certainly have their benefits, providing a controlled and supportive environment that many find reassuring. However, at-home treatments offered unique advantages that better suited my needs. The ability to undergo therapy in a familiar and comfortable setting, combined with the convenience of not having to travel, made at-home treatment the ideal choice for me. I preferred the privacy of my own space and didn’t feel the need for the intensive approach of IV treatments.
Additionally, my frequent travel made at-home treatments a perfect fit. They allowed me to continue my therapy from anywhere, often giving me new perspectives and insights through a change of venue. MindBloom’s national presence worked seamlessly with my nomadic lifestyle, and their comprehensive support system and flexibility made them the ideal choice for my ketamine therapy journey.
My Experience: Starting At-Home Ketamine Therapy
Step-by-Step Onboarding
Step 1: Online Assessment The first step was a pretty detailed and professional online screening tool. This questionnaire covered my medical history, mental health, and what I hoped to achieve with ketamine therapy. It was thorough, but it made me feel like they took my needs seriously.
Step 2: Meeting with My Clinician After the assessment, I scheduled a telemedicine visit with a licensed MindBloom clinician. I didn’t have to wait too long for an appointment and was able to find a time that worked for me within a week. During my video call, we went over my answers and discussed the benefits and risks of ketamine, and the clinician answered all my questions. She prescribed my ketamine dosage and would be my clinician for the rest of the ketamine series.
Step 3: Choosing a Program Designed for Your Goals MindBloom offers programs tailored to different focus areas, such as beating burnout, repairing trust and intimacy, getting unstuck, overcoming anxiety, and more. I found these very helpful and made it easier to focus on areas that were important to me. These programs help align your coaching and integration with your specific goals, ensuring you get the most out of your treatment.
Step 4: Receiving My Bloombox After the consultation, I received what MindBloom calls a Bloombox at my door. The Bloombox contained everything needed to complete my ketamine treatment from home, including a journal, an eye mask, and a digital blood pressure cuff. The ketamine arrived separately from an online pharmacy with a prescription I had to sign for. I was also offered a medication for nausea to take as a preventive measure, which I chose.
Step 5: Initial Meeting with My Guide In preparation for my first session, I chose a guide through the MindBloom app. They offer a range of guides, from shamanic and woo-woo types to more traditional therapists or coaches. I opted for someone in the middle — a balanced approach. My guide helped both me and my sitter prepare for my first session, and I chose to have her serve as my integration coach throughout the entire ketamine course.
The Day of My First Ketamine Session: A Guided Journey Inward
The day of my first ketamine session arrived, a mix of anticipation and curiosity. I’d prepped my space just as my guide suggested, with soft lighting and calming music playing in the background. My sitter and I had been thoroughly briefed by my guide, easing some of the pre-session jitters.
What is a Sitter?
A sitter is someone you know well and who can take responsibility for you during your ketamine session. Their role is to ensure you are safe, check on you periodically, and keep the environment quiet. While the sitter’s duties don’t require much, their presence is crucial for providing a sense of security and ensuring a supportive environment.
Setting an Intention
One crucial aspect of a successful ketamine therapy session is the concept of “set and setting.” The setting involves creating a comfortable and safe physical environment, which I had already taken care of. The set, on the other hand, is about setting an intention for the session. Setting an intention helps guide the experience and provides a focus, even if you eventually let it go.
For my first session, my intention was simple: to be open to the experience. I reminded myself to trust my inner healing intelligence and let go of any preconceived notions about what would happen.
With the dissolvable ketamine tablet placed under my tongue, I followed the instructions carefully. I put on my headphones and leaned back, listening intently to a pre-recorded Mindbloom talk perfectly timed to the medication’s dissolving time. When the bell chimed, signaling the end of the talk, I spit out the remaining medicine and settled onto the bed.
Eyes covered with an eye mask and headphones still in place, I began the timed music session through the Mindbloom app. The music was specifically chosen to guide the ketamine experience, and I let the soothing melodies wash over me as I relaxed.
The Experience
The following hour was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. As the ketamine took effect, I felt myself being transported to the vastness of space, surrounded by celestial beings. The medicine seemed to have a mind of its own, guiding me through the experience even as I tried to maintain control.
I found myself descending into a deep, black, bubbling muck. It was disorienting, and I struggled to remember everything I saw, figuring each detail was a clue to a deeper meaning I had to grasp. Flashes of memories appeared in no particular order, chaotic yet profound. It felt like a mental and emotional roller coaster, plunging me into darkness before lifting me back up, offering me glimpses of understanding and peace.
Towards the end, I saw a shadow figure that reminded me of a comic book villain. It was unsettling, but the shadow was gone as quickly as it appeared.
Post-Session Reflections
Immediate Aftermath
After the session ended, I followed up with my guide to ensure everything went okay. I emerged from the session not feeling drastically different but relieved that the first experience wasn’t bad. In my over-analytical way, I tried to make sense of everything, sensing that there were places in my subconscious I still needed to explore. I began to feel a burgeoning sense of self-forgiveness.
The initial session left me with a mix of curiosity and confusion. I didn’t experience any drastic revelations, but I felt lighter as if a weight had been lifted. This sense of lightness was subtle yet noticeable, hinting at the potential for deeper changes in future sessions.
Processing the Experience
Later that week, unpacking the experience with my integration coach, I began to understand the importance of integrating these sessions into my daily life. The integration coach played a crucial role in helping me process my thoughts and emotions. We reviewed my notes and reflections from the session, and she guided me through understanding the symbols and feelings that surfaced.
One significant aspect we explored was the shadow figure I encountered. Initially unsettling, this figure began representing aspects of myself that I had suppressed or ignored. I started acknowledging these parts of myself through this process, leading to a burgeoning sense of self-forgiveness. This process was gradual but felt like an essential step toward deeper self-understanding and healing.
Your Thoughts and Experiences
Are you curious about ketamine therapy? Do you have a story or experience to share? Your insights could be incredibly valuable to others exploring this path. Your perspective is important whether you’re considering treatment, have undergone it yourself, or want to learn more.
Please share your thoughts, questions, or experiences in the comments below. By learning from each other, we can all grow and better understand this transformative therapy.
Looking Ahead: My Continuing Journey with Ketamine
The journey doesn’t end here. In the next post, I’ll dive deeper into my subsequent ketamine sessions. I’ll share the challenges, the breakthroughs I experienced, and the shifts in my understanding and perspective.
Stay tuned for more insights and reflections on the transformative power of ketamine therapy and the ongoing journey of self-discovery it fosters.
