Subtle Signs You Keep Settling for Less

Settling for less doesn’t just involve success. There are many things that a person can “settle less” for in life, such as in relationships, self love, and freedom. Here are several symptoms that you might be settling for less.

1 — You’re Always Early

More often than not, you are always early when it comes to going out with friends or dates. Of course, being early gives you a professional edge, but at times being the first person there is always a rough spot. Not only do you waste time being idle, you get bored as well. Have you ever tried being the first person at a night club? Sucks right? Now, its completely OK if your buddies/dates are late once in a while, but being consistently late for you must raise some red flags. If you think about it, you exerted a lot of effort just to be there, thus, they should exert the same effort for you too. If they don’t and continue to brush their lateness off as something not worth apologizing for, then it means you are surrounded by bad neglectful company.

You shouldn’t just sit there and spend time with people who don’t make the same punctual effort as you. You kindness won’t ricochet its way back to you at all. A relationship is always 100/100, not 50/50 or 25/75.

2— You’re Always the One Reaching Out

You are consistent in sending your kindness to even the furthest reaches of your network. The thing is though, you reach out to people more than they reach out to you. This leaves you with a deep engrained sense of frustration and burnout. Because of this, it no longer feels fulfilling to check out on a friend who you haven't spoken to in a while.

If your friends aren’t consistent and only reach out to when they remember you at the back of their heads, would you really be confident in calling them your “friend”?

3— You Change Yourself to Fit In

The RIGHT friends or romantic partners will love you for who you are. In fact, true lovers/friends don’t want each other to change at all, and would have hated it if you did otherwise. A surefire sign of knowing whether or not you are with the right group of people is how they make you feel after spending time with them. After a hangout or a date, you could either feel happy, energetic and confident, or self-conscious, melancholic and relieved that your interactions have ended.

If you feel self-conscious with one specific group, then it is obvious that you guys don’t vibe well together. Because of this, people often change the way the way they think, act or feel just so they can “vibe better” with the group. Unfortunately, this comes at the cost of your own unique identity and lifestyle.

Besides the goal of fitting in, the willingness to change oneself just to belong also comes from a poor sense of priorities and catering to one’s own needs. Believe me, I see this all the time. I used to see obscure minded thinkers turn into mainstream squats void of identity all because they chose to be with the wrong people. If your partner or friends want you to change in order to comply with their own “idealism”, then you should set boundaries as soon as you can.

4 — You Find it Hard to Say NO

A sad reality for many people, especially those who have felt strong rejection before, is that they developed the wrong belief that other people’s needs are more valuable than their own. Because of this, it becomes harder to say no to the many things people ask of us; time, money, intellectual property, and more!

When granting favors for other people doesn’t fulfill you, or just downright stresses you out; it doesn’t mean that you are being selfish. It just means that you are being used. This usually happens if you settle for less in your choices of relationships and forget to set boundaries.

5 — You Keep Trying to Make Things Work

Are you trying hard to make a relationship work? Do you have an uninteresting partner, yet keep convincing yourself that the problem is “you” and that you have to tolerate the other person’s flaws?

In a healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise, nobody is perfect. This “imperfection” should in fact be the force driving people together. Person A will make up for Person B’s mistakes and vice versa. If, for whatever reason, the imperfections you have to deal with in your relationships cause you great pain and unfulfillment instead of excitement and curiosity, then it might be time to re-evaluate your needs.

6— You Support Yourself

This realization may take years to come to you, but if you realized that your success, motivation and willpower came from you, yourself without any direct help from your friend or partner, then it is absolutely a clear sign that your crowd can’t keep up with your dynamo. Here are some questions you can ask yourself…

Do I usually come up with the plans? Do I usually jump from passion to passion and conduct myself to healthy risks without the advice of friends? Does all my motivation come from the external, or the internal?

Lone wolves, or people who often tread alone are some of the strongest people in the world, believe it or not. In fact, if a person is already happy being alone, then the more other people will gravitate towards them because of their mature thinking and independent nature.

7 — You Daydream A Lot

When you settle for less in your relationships, you often end up with people who don’t have the same spirit as you. Due to this, things that excite you don’t necessarily excite them; and this can leaved you with a bitter taste in your mouth that ruins the whole experience for you entirely.

Because of this unfulfillment, you often daydream spending time with a different set of friends or romantic partners. This acts as a numbing force that helps you distract from the pain of not having your needs fulfilled.

8— You Want to Go Soul Searching

You feel the need for solo-trips or new experiences to meet new people. In life, sometimes the conversations you have with complete strangers can leave you more fulfilled than the typical small talk you make with your friends. When the discourse involves ideas and concepts that have great meaning or philosophical value, you are easily engrossed in the beautiful two-way process of communication where ideas actually stick.

9— You Are Being Neglected

This is a general statement that well sums up #1 all the way to #8. Other common signs of neglect include paying attention to their phones instead of you while at the table, or maybe claiming all the airtime during a conversation and not letting you speak. When it’s all about them, them, them and you don’t feel the confidence in you to speak about your life, then you are obviously being neglected too.

HOW TO STOP SETTLING FOR LESS

As much as possible, we don’t want to be too brash and immediately burn bridges. Instead, try…

• Meeting new people by joining clubs, seminars, and groups dedicated to hobbies, sports and topics that actually interest and fulfill you. When you are surrounded by a group of like-minded thinkers, you would begin to realize that you are not alone, and there are many people who share in your passion.
• Stop waiting for the losers in your life and focus on what you want to, and will do. Your every endeavor shouldn’t require the approval, sentiment or opinion of those people around you. It’s a free world; go and do whatever floats your boat. As a unique individual, you shouldn’t have to feel outcasted, alone or dissatisfied just because other people won’t join in on your fun. It’s their loss and not yours.
• Don’t just base your friendships based on history; base them on future potential as well.