The World is Filled With Phallic Mushroom Rewards

It’s time to stop deflecting the gender conversation by asking questions about nurture vs. nature.

We’ve all met someone who insists that girls are innately drawn to unicorns and rainbows. She tells us about her niece Angela, whose parents only gave her toy trucks to play with. Yet somehow Angela still turned into a lipsticked pageant queen.

Or maybe your neighbor has two homeschooled boys who never even watch TV or surf the Internet. They only eat food from the local cooperative farm. Every other word out of the father’s mouth is “pacifism.” Somehow, despite the carefully controlled variables of their social-science experiment, the boys still turn every possible object into a projectile weapon and seem to derive some sense of self from shouting typical macho-isms. The parents conclude that stereotypical masculine traits must be a natural inclination.

Boys like ninjas and spaceships, right?

Girls like dolls and ponies, right?

Give me a break. It’s impossible to raise a child who’s not acculturated according to gender norms. In this regard, the real world is just like the game world. It rewards people with little tiny mushroom penis heads.

The message is loud and clear . . . and phallocentric.

Phallic objects give you exceptional powers, bonuses, and recognition. When your avatar grabs things that look like penises, you get ahead in the game.

In the game world you’ll do what it takes to get the next mushroom (or the bigger gun in your porn-like first-person action shooter). You will walk where you need to walk. You will jump where you need to jump. You will duck when you need to duck. You build a persona that flows. You develop a way of relating to the game that’s in line with its phallocentric signifiers of success.

In the life world, one does what it takes to raise himself up to the phallic tip. He aspires to an alpha career, networking through discussions of gladiator-like pro-sports results. He engages, perhaps reluctantly, in the mine-is-bigger-than-yours ego-enhancing proverbial pissing contest. He sports the everyday wardrobe of patriarchy.

Realistically, we need to throw that fantasy of objectivity right off the platform. No matter how hard we try, we cannot outrun the socialized stereotypes and prejudices that we have regarding gender, class, race, ethnicity, species-ism, ageism, etc. We are surrounded by it and we participate in it. You cannot raise kids that are protected by force fields or gamma shields. Humans are social animals. Kids’ environments affect them in myriad ways—some positive, some negative.

To be human is to be acculturated. And to be acculturated means to be shaped by the ambient landscape of your everyday life.

If you want to change the program—if you want to redesign the game so that it is more equal and just—you do it by paying extra attention to the design that is already there. Do not ignore injustice. Do not teach children that it is not there.

Instead, point to it. Deconstruct it.

Show the children how to beat each level. Teach them how to overcome its challenges. Make sure they develop the skills that are necessary for accumulating phallocentric rewards. Help them win the game.

But simultaneously teach them not to derive a sense of self-worth from it.

We all need to understand—parents and children alike—that when our worth is measured according to the quantity of phallic mushroom penises we accumulate, value is unconsciously equated with masculinity.

Our successes are only meaningful when we are fully conscious of the subjective cultural value system within which they are considered “accomplishments.” Otherwise, it is absentminded pride. Your triumphs are not successes at all; rather, they’re brain-washings. Increased phallic wealth, without mindfulness, is not liberating. Instead, it only denotes that your obedience to a patriarchal system has mushroomed. You’re no longer playing the game freely; the game is playing you.

When you’re practiced, you can win whatever game you choose. It is a freeplay. So make sure you know what game you’re choosing to win.

Jordan Shapiro is author of Freeplay: A Video Game Guide to Maximum Euphoric Bliss. He’s a regular contributor to Forbes and DailyWorth. He lives in Philadelphia, where he teaches in Temple University’s Intellectual Heritage department. Click here to learn more about Jordan.