Miracles in Goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
Repeating the word ‘goodbye’, I see the faces of those I’ve said goodbye to. Often through tears, sometimes with relief, and sometimes with rage. When I discovered one source of the word goodbye originated with “God be with Ye”, it made complete sense.
To me, the wisdom in goodbye has God written all over it. The song says that there is “No Good in Goodbye” but I don’t believe that’s true. At the time of goodbye, when our heart is broken, it’s hard to believe there is good to come. I have said goodbye to many people, and the most talked about is always a love affair that is coming to an end. Yet, I’ve said goodbye to many more influential female friendships then I have my male loves.
While goodbyes don’t get easier, wisdom tells us when it’s time to accept a goodbye. The deeper I pursue loving myself, the easier it becomes for me to distinguish when it’s time for a goodbye. Most of us stay longer, and I believe it’s our hope that keeps us there. Hope that it will get better, feel better, change for the better. But your instinct, your inner being, your intuition will guide you on the timing of goodbyes if you let it. Our wisdom also tells us that when goodbye happens to us, it’s a gift being given, a ticket to begin again.
My father was the first to say goodbye to me when I was 6 years old. Sitting on his lap as he was leaving our house for the last time, that goodbye was the most painful one can imagine. For most of my lifetime, I’ve tried to guess when the goodbye is coming so I can beat them to it.
That defence mechanism has kept me from peaceful acceptance of goodbyes, because I thought if I kept one foot out the door at all times, when a goodbye happened it would be less painful. For most of my life, I’ve believed that most people leave, are not to be depended on, and bolt at a moment’s notice. What I discovered is that it’s not others’ goodbyes to be afraid of, it was mine.
Twice in my life, saying goodbye was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Even after, I wondered if I made the right decision and in both cases, I travelled back to the person, losing parts of myself in the process. Addicted to the thought that if I stayed it would get better, that my presence was all that was required, I stayed. Wisdom knows this is never the case.
I remember a story about a baby that clings to its abusive mother when the authorities try to separate them. Clawing and fighting, the baby wants to stay with the mother even though she is the one causing it pain. Like all unhealthy relationships, we stay, and when the person has taken everything and is heading to their next thing, we still want to stay. In my case, I sacrificed myself for the hope of the relationship. When I ripped myself from those situations and began the long journey back to myself, I started to see the beauty of embracing goodbye and listening to that whisper that says: “it’s time to say goodbye now.”
Spending my life avoiding the dreaded goodbye, I’ve actually avoided love. How painfully ironic. The beauty of wisdom is that it prevents you from lying to yourself. All of my goodbyes were not for the protection of others, but purely for my own. Choosing to look for forgiveness, I’m done being terrified of goodbyes. They will happen with our without my permission, sometimes with warning and sometimes without, just like a tropical storm.
All goodbyes are followed by a new hello.
“The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye…until we meet again”
The hardest part of goodbye is how our Ego takes over and prevents the soul from speaking.
The Ego, the louder, bossier sister within in our being flares up in goodbye, causing a painful disconnect from the acceptance and forgiveness that our soul needs.
Ego cannot let us be grateful, because it’s hell bent on you believing all the limiting ideas you have about yourself. The longer you believe you are rejected, displaced, angry, hurt, annoyed and resentful, the stronger the hold Ego has over your soul, and your goodbye.
Ego seeks external gratification in your goodbyes: a new partner quickly, smearing the partner that left, and judging others. You get to be the sad victim of goodbye and the other person, the perpetrator.
All of this is such a lie.
A goodbye is a discussion our souls have in advance. In my imagination, when two humans come together, there are conversations between their souls. At first, the conversation is friendly, playful, loving. Enjoying getting to know each other, this time together is beautiful. Then things start to shift. Suddenly, it stops being about love. Finally, the painful goodbye. Our soul’s came to the agreement far before our conscious beings are aware and both souls know when it’s time to say goodbye.
Can you imagine if we could believe that our soul knows best? Calling the shots for your maximum growth, love and light; how different would it be if we trusted our soul first?
In the relationship between fear and love, it’s really more accurately the battle between our Ego and our divine self.
Our Ego represents fear, while love is the true champion of our divine self.
Each of us can likely attest that there have been times where our Egos have been squarely driving the bus. Looking back at all the moments where I operated in fear instead of love, I replay them over in my mind and use it as my fertilizer to water my Garden of Self-Loathing.
This garden is the place I return to when I’ve made a mistake, a place that I tell myself all the ways I messed up. The keeper of that garden is my Ego.
In an attempt to weed this garden, I think it’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye to the moments where I operated from fear instead of love. Goodbye to getting energy from self-hate rather than self-love.
Say goodbye, your soul has a better plan for you. You’re heading towards love. Are you ready?
Beginning my startup journey, my very first advisor told me that I would outgrow her very quickly and it would be time for her to say goodbye. At the time I found her tough love very painful.
When you are creating something out of your imagination, especially in the beginning, you think all you’ll ever need should be right here. You can’t see the road yet because you are paving the way. There are patterns from others who have travelled this road before you, but your startup path is your own.
A year into the development of my idea, my advisor said goodbye. Whether it’s been staff who’ve left, or advisors, ideas, concepts, all of it…in the startup life, things comes for a time and then they leave. It’s the nature of the business.
When I allow those ebbs and flows, magic happens in my startup.
For you, in your life, remember some times where someone or something entered your life for a time and then left.
How did you feel? Have you been left before, or have you been the leaver? What scares you about goodbye? What’s your soul telling you about your goodbyes?
