The criss-cross hug is common (among American men, anyway) but it’s just one way to manage that brief dance of affection that’s loaded with unspoken, confusing rules of engagement. Image: Pixel-Shot/Shutterstock. Used under the writer’s license.

My Problems with the Man Hug

I wasn’t around when my best guy friends started hugging each other. I still struggle with the emotional and choreographic complexities of this unique form of male affection.

I grew up back before men hugged each other. We shook hands when introduced to somebody new, greeted acquaintances with a polite nod, and mumbled “Hey, dude” to best friends we hadn’t seen in a while. I was fine with that. But times changed. All my old guy friends long ago began embracing the man hug, even as I remained generally hug-averse and clueless about when and how to go for it.

Don’t get me wrong: I’ve always enjoyed a good, loving, comforting, appropriate hug. From my wife. Our kids. My Mom. (Dad, not so much, for reasons I’ll explain, but most guys my age can guess why.) And I don’t shrink from hugs due to any known serious physical or mental condition, other than situational introversion and a desire for some reasonable personal space.

Scientifically, I’m aware of the feel-good effects of hugs: decreased stress, better moods, even lower blood pressure and improved immunity.

But man hugs are rather complex, with choreography that continues to baffle me. As a Baby Boomer, I never really learned how to properly hug a man…