Why Shock and Shame Shut Down Disclosure of Sexual Assault
My experience shows how biology and society combine to silence survivors
Editor’s Note: This is the first in an occasional Wise & Well series of Stories We Never Told Anyone.
I didn’t tell anyone after I was sexually assaulted. It was years before I mentioned it to a few family members. That was the extent of my revelations until this article.
My assault was so trivial that sharing it creates its own embarrassment, when so many individuals, mostly women, have suffered far, far worse.
Still, I can’t just brush the event aside. It wasn’t someone just brushing up against me. It wasn’t just my side. And it wasn’t just. Sharing my experience can help people understand why survivors of sexual assault so often remain silent.
The incident
A tiny, tidy garden sat at the end of our block, behind a waist-high wrought-iron railing. I would often see L (who will remain otherwise anonymous) tending to the small bird-of-paradise plant perched in one corner, tucking succulents among the rocks, or pruning the ancient trumpet tree blooming by the door of the old Victorian. Usually we would chat about the plants, or about my children, as he watered the roses. All of his roses…
