Why the Loneliest Place is Sometimes a Roomful of People
How to go from not “being” alone to not “feeling” alone.
“Well, aren’t you Mr. Popular,” I said teasingly.
My friend, Ryan, had just finished telling me that he had finally decided to take some steps to improve his social life and had proceeded to pack his calendar with social events.
“I’m glad you’re branching out though. How does it feel?” I asked.
A surprisingly long pause followed.
“It feels lonelier,” he finally responded.
Ryan had spent most of his twenties deeply focused on his career. He was immensely proud of the fact that he could sit alone and work for hours. But in the last few years, he had started feeling an intense sense of isolation that he knew he could no longer distract himself from.
At first, it manifested as a low-level anxiety or a mild sense of restlessness. But even as accolades piled up at work or he continued to date attractive women, he could never truly feel joy. Physical pleasure, sure. But not a feeling of sustained joy and definitely not emotional intimacy.
As an introvert, Ryan had always just told himself he didn’t really “need” people. But he finally had to admit the truth to himself — he was lonely.
