Fire Moon
[poetry]
Around the time I was learning to accept and deal with the fact that I will probably always be in chronic pain
Was around the same time I discovered my moon is in the fire sign of Leo
I’ve never had a good relationship to fire
Or any relationship to speak of
And I resisted
Leo like my Type-A overachieving sister with her own business, two toddlers, and migraines
Leo like lion’s roar
Like pride
Like narcissism
Like me, me, me look at me listen to me what about me
Fire like burning, killing, destroying
Like laying waste
Like wasteland
And what am I supposed to do with all this air in my Libra sun and Libra rising?
What does air do to fire but
Stir it up
Make it stronger
Turn a well-intentioned flame into a raging wildfire
My massage therapist asked me what type of pain I was experiencing that day
Is it dull or sharp, pinching, aching, throbbing, burning
Does it feel hot
Does it feel hot
From then on I learned to distinguish the different types of pain I felt
And I noticed how often it felt hot
And again I resisted
More fire
I don’t want all this fire
But I knew I’d better learn
How to work with all this fire in my back
All this fire in my moon
Or I would just keep getting burned
And burning others
I stopped
I thought
What else can fire be
Fire like spark
Spark like idea
Like new
Like beginning
Fire like candle
Candle like sacred flame on altar
Focal point of intention, of worship
Candle like vigil
Light in the darkness
Life in death
Like hope
Fire like lantern
Lantern like guiding light
Like direction
Fire like hearth
Hearth like coming in from the cold
Like hot tea and books and the best dog in the world
Like gathering
Like crackling Yule log
Like that Christmas Feeling
Hearth like cauldron and kettle
Like brewing, simmering, baking
Cooking like transformation
Transformation of ingredients into food
Transformation of what you have into what you need
Fire like embers
Ember like glowing warmth
Like cooling off
Like calm
Fire like sun
Sun like gravity and orbit
Like equinox and solstice
Like photosynthesis
Like spring and summer and the word Yes
Like sunburn and poolside
Like day trip and sandals
Like adventure and blackberries
Air and fire
Space and sun
Star
Star like Polaris, North Star, guiding home
Star like constellation
Like connection
Like defining meaning in that random proximity of neighbors
Like seeing stories laid out in the sky
Star like galaxy
Like infinite majesty
Like I am made of starstuff
Like “I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together”
Fire like Leo moon
Leo like gold and glitter
Like a champagne toast on New Year’s Eve
Like birthday parties
Like bursting into song
Like extravagant musical numbers
Like the type of imagining that has been going on inside my head for as long as I can remember
But only inside my head
So
If your sun sign is like the structure of your house, the foundation and basic What It Is — Libra, air
And if your rising sign is like the exterior, the paint, the garden, the mailbox, the lawn flamingos, the part you show to all passersby — Libra, air
And if your moon sign is like the interior, the furniture, the art on the walls, the books you’ve collected, the photo albums and knickknacks, the part you show to only those who you choose to invite in — Leo, fire
Then this is me choosing to invite you in to see that
Spark
Candle
Lantern
Hearth
Ember
To share its warmth
And help me keep it useful, keep it tame
And when it breaks its bonds and begins to rage and spreads into the forest
This is me trusting you to stay
To set the boundary of the fire line to burn this far and no farther
To let it burn itself out
Knowing the cleansing, healing power of fire and rage and tears
To come back across the brittle ground with cool water
And watch for new growth
