Why we should ask our mums about menopause

Caution: If you are someone who has recently lost a mother, or grandmother we do not wish this to be in any way triggering. We appreciate that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a mother or grandmother in their lives, or to have strong relationships with their family.

Whilst the world seems to panic amidst the spread of COVID-19 we’re trying to think about something else at Alva. It’s not because we’re not worried — of course we are. But we need to think about something else to keep our energy up, and allow us to appreciate the positive things. In the UK, one of those things is Mother’s Day.

Whether you believe in the concept of ‘days’ for things or not, it’s hard to argue that mothers are not worth celebrating. Grandmothers too! For many people mothers are the glue which holds families together; the first people to ask for help and the first to give support. You can tell I love my mum eh?

And during these uncertain times many of us will turn to them even more. We’ll want to make sure they’re ok, let them know that we are too and ask their advice. Let’s not forget in the midst of the craziness to tell our mother’s thank you this Sunday 22 March.

Alva’s mission is to support all women to live longer in good health. We’re focussed on helping women get through menopause with minimal pain, and maximum benefits for their longer term health.

Have you ever thought about how your mum felt during her menopause? Have you ever asked…?

For those who may be unaware (and don’t worry, we forgive you) some information on menopause:

• Menopause is when a woman goes a year without periods because her ovaries have stopped functioning due to age.
• 80% of women will have some menopause symptoms. Symptoms can last for 15 years!
• Symptoms range from mental health (anxiety, depression) to physical health (hot flushes, joint pain).
• There’s over 34 symptoms associated with menopause. They’re caused by hormone levels dropping (most notably, oestrogen).

Many women feel alone and isolated during menopause. Unable to talk about how they feel — or understand why they feel the way they do. We wouldn’t want our mums feeling like that would we? Or anyone else for that matter.

My mum’s menopause was awful for her. I knew it then, but I understand it far more now. I was a teenager at the time and my own hormones ruled my emotions. Looking back, I’m ashamed I didn’t check in a little more — just to make sure she was ok.

Her menopause arrived in her early 40s after breast cancer treatment. She was exhausted, low and it changed her outlook on life. Despite some struggles she’d always chosen to look on the bright side of life…but not during menopause. In menopause her world was dark. Frankly, menopause wore her down. She couldn’t take many treatments such as hormone replacement therapy because of her cancer. Left without treatment, and with two challenging teenagers, those years were a real struggle. Of course she got through, as all women do, but it wasn’t easy.

As her daughter I should have done more. But I do find myself wondering — could I have done better? Taboo makes menopause a hard thing to talk about. There’s also zero mentions of menopause in the UK national curriculum. With teenage embarrassment being what it is, I don’t I’d have known how to properly check-in on my mum.

It’s about time we smash through the stupid taboo that is talking about menopause. We should be able to ask our friends, family and loved ones about how they are feeling and be comfortable giving them the space to reply.

So we’re asking our friends to check in on their mums this Sunday — and ask them about menopause? We’d love to know what you learn. We’ll be posting throughout the week on Alva socials about #mymumsmenopause.

And we’re inviting menopausal mothers to share with their daughters — after all your menopause may well represent what theirs will be like. It helps families to talk. Let’s break down these taboos together.

Happy mother’s day 2020.