Are we too obsessed about happiness?

I don’t think I need to remind anybody of the shocking news that left all of us gasping, but I have a question in mind.

Why is it that it must be the news of the suicide/depression story of a celebrity that has to remind us that #mentalhealth matters?

Chester Bennington, Heath Ledger, and now Sushant Singh Rajput, you name it. There are countless, far too many for me to do them justice in one article.

Maybe, because it is a perception that when someone is at the pinnacle of fame and wealth, everything is fine with their life.

We look up to these celebrities, their well-curated Instagram profiles, perfect vacation photos, all glittery, and subconsciously paint a rosy picture about their lives. Somehow, the world is obsessed with being happy. Every other person I come across these days is a motivational speaker, spreading 5 tips to be happy.

Right from school, we are taught not to cry, not to show our pain to the world, to put up a happy face when someone comes to visit us even though we may have had a heartbreak a couple of hours ago. No one told us-

“It's okay to be sad. It’s okay to be depressed. It’s okay to be broken”.

In schools, the lonely ones are kind of looked down upon, some become the center of gossip, no one bothers to ask them why they are that way. It's not very hard to find similar scenarios in workplaces or in our family too.

Who defines what happiness is? Why are we so obsessed to be happy? Why is it not okay to be broken?

AIR 7 in a national level entrance test. A successful reality show dancer. A phenomenal actor and a celebrity with more than a million-fan following. A sea-facing apartment in one of the most coveted residential areas in the country.

Read that again.

Many of us would be “happy” as per what society tells us if we manage to achieve even just a couple of these things. SSR had all of them. Not even mentioning the added perks that come with being a celebrity. All the above are a dream for the majority of us or maybe dreams that society has woven for us to follow. But what now?

As per the official reports, post his ex-manager’s death, he had locked himself up in his home and did not attend to his friends’ calls for about 4–5 days.

A person liked by so many yet he couldn’t open up to anyone about the pain he felt, a pain whose flames engulfed his will to live. Where does that leave you pondering?

Have you ever been fearful of something? e.g. it could be the fear of speaking on stage. Didn’t it feel empowering to overcome that fear?

Fear of death is probably one of the greatest fears, all of us have in our subconscious, embedded. Now, can you imagine what happens when a person starts endearing that fear, slowly? As pointed out by psychologists, the thought becomes less menacing as one approaches the tipping point. And when its crossed, it feels liberating. Does that mean we are not afraid of taking away our lives? It just signifies that the pain of going back to life is far more than embracing death.

We would probably never know the truth about what happened to SSR. Anything that would come out, would be nothing but speculations, some a bit more believable than others.

Maybe, being a celebrity, someone whom people are not used to see broken, made it difficult.

The incident leaves me pondering though, how painful can a tragedy be that someone is left with no choice but to take away their life?

Is our definition of happiness, mental peace, and satisfaction so skewed? Have we built a society where it is so difficult to confess about our sufferings, fearful that you may be tagged as depressed, attention-seeking, weak?

There is a flurry of posts today on social media platforms, including mine, saying #mentalhealth matters, but let’s take a moment to think of the time when someone we know personally reached out to us saying “I’m not feeling okay” or “I’m feeling depressed”. What did we reply? Did we hear that person out? Did we help him/her find the comfort they were looking for?

Just answer it in your mind. If it's affirmative, be proud of yourself. If it's not, it's okay. We all are unaware of a few things. But from today, make sure you become aware.

I’m not a mental health expert, but as an individual who has been through almost everything you read above; I wish to recommend a few personal suggestions.

To someone who isn’t feeling at peace with themselves,

Seek professional help. Depression is a physio-chemical phenomenon [1]and thus curable. Medication helps to restore that physio-chemical balance in the body. It can happen to anyone at any point in their life. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Reach out to your friends. If you ever, must choose between your mental health and something else, don’t think twice before choosing mental health.

To others,

If anyone confides in you but you don’t have the advice to help that person out, it’s okay. You can still hear them out. That itself helps a lot. That’s what counselors do too. You could help them out by finding articles[2] to read and become aware of their thoughts. Awareness eases out a bit of the pain as well. But,

Don’t shut them up saying “This is no big deal”, “Don’t be attention-seeking all the time”, “Everyone goes through it dude…”.

As it is, the world is a little unfair. The least we can do is, be supportive of each other, be kind to each other. A few extra words of kindness and compliments won’t need much effort but will do a world of good for them!

Let’s not wear the facade of happiness because someone else tells us to. While it’s necessary to feel happy, there’s no parameter to gauge it. Acknowledging that we’re broken only makes us real. Truth is, most of us are; and satisfaction lies in accepting the fact that its okay to feel a certain way. That’s when you will be at peace with yourself.

[1] https://www.healthline.com/health/chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain#outlook

[2] https://www.nami.org/Personal-Stories/I-Have-Depression-And-It-s-OK

[3] https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression#1

[4] https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-help-a-depressed-friend

[5] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943