Why I quit alcohol

I have always been problematic when I had too much to drink but I never ended up in jail, until today.

When I was 14 I had my first bad experience with alcohol, I went to coma for 2 days after drinking an entire bottle of Vodka, a bottle of Rum and some Sambuca. When I woke up I felt awful, not much from a hangover pain point of view, but more from a moral one. When I opened my eyes I saw my mother, next to my hospital bed, on a chair, with her face covered in tears. I’ve never seen her so sad and a horrible feel of shame and disappointment passed through me. My dad though was angry as fuck and he made sure I wouldn’t drink anymore. As you may have guessed it didn’t happened. For a while I didn’t touch a bottle. I was scared as hell and I couldn’t see my parents go through such pain and disappointment ever again. Of course time brings changes and fades old memories away. Albeit every time I drink over the line I remember that night I went to coma, within the years I started drinking again. First just a beer with friends on occasional events, then I started to get drunk again, to have more fun at parties. I used to be very proud of how much I could drink without getting sick. As time went by I started crossing the line again and getting too drunk. I almost couldn’t enjoy a party anymore if I hadn’t had something to drink first.

Still, it surely wasn’t that bad, it was only on Friday/Saturday nights or when there was a party. Most of the problems began when I started university. Parties became more frequent and everyone was having predrinks before the real fun, lines of shots in the clubs just in order to get drunk as fast as possible. The game was way over the line and the drinking wasn’t just to have fun on nights out anymore but only to get smashed every time.

I’ve drunk more alcohol in the last year and a half than in the rest of my life. But even though I’ve been told more than once from my parents and friends that this was wrong, I didn’t think it was. Getting drunk so often seems alright with me, I was having fun with my friends and everyone else was doing the same. I’m not saying that I did it because everyone was, but them doing it made it seem less wrong.

And it was when I started to get sick more often that I knew something wasn’t right. Furthermore when I got drunk I had a terrible behaviour, very aggressive and always looking to fight, I even punched my friend.

A couple of months ago I got very drunk and, during an argument with some guy, in the process of getting divided by some friends, I smashed his phone. That was probably the first time I seriously considered stop drinking and I succeeded for about two months, until last night.

Snowball party. The party that celebrates the end of the year. Suited up we started predrinking at 18 and, half a litre of vodka later, I was in the club having fun. The night seemed to go great and the party was pretty good, unfortunately I don’t remember any of that. No idea why I got kicked out and, after I somehow sneaked back in twice, the third time there was the police as well, escorting me very convincingly out. Apparently then I got aggressive with the officers and the next thing I know I’m being awaken by an guard in a cell.

Yes, I spent the night in jail. I couldn’t remember almost anything and, after my fingerprints, pictures of me and DNA tests were taken, the officer explained me all he knew. As the night got a little bit clearer I felt terrible, both physically and mentally. My head was still buzzy, my body was shaking. I threw up a lot and I didn’t have anything to eat in the last 15 hours. I even got checked by a nurse and been told I was very weak, something wrong with my blood, and I couldn’t leave nor even stand up because I could’ve collapsed on the ground any moment. That scared the shit out of me, more than anything else I went through that night. I then got offered some snacks and some juice and after a while I felt a little better. After my rights have been told to me I have been given a ticket fine and been “suggested” to attend the Alcoholics Anonymous.

I then made my call and asked a friend to come pick me up. After a small lunch on the way back, that I threw up less than an hour later, I finally got home and got into the bed where I slept for a few hours straight. When I woke up I’ve been told by my flatmates the rest of the story.

So yes, this is my story. The last two times I got drunk I broke a person’s phone, which I had to pay back, and I’ve been arrested. So today I have officially decided to quit drinking and, genuinely, I think is probably the best idea. Of course is not going to be easy, especially considering the ambient I live in and the life me and my friends have, but I’m strong about this decision and I stand for it because I really want, and need, a change. I’m going to ask help to my hometown priest, who has a degree in psychology and is one of the best person I know, I’m sure he could help me a lot. Also, I will join an Alcoholics Anonymous group therapy where I can share my story with other people who had experiences similar to mine which, I’m sure, will be extremely helpful.

Thanks for reading. It’s not easy to talk about this stuff but it really helps a lot to go through it. Talking, or in this case writing, about what happened makes me feel more conscious about it and helps me realise how important and fragile the situation is.