Thank you for letting me be a woman… I guess?
Newsflash: Women are sexual beings too.
As members of the human race, this truth should be self evident. But for centuries society has simply refused to keep a firm grasp on the obvious.
This entire post comes on the heels of a conversation with a friend that simply wanted to date a guy, have sex with him, and not be punished by society for not wanting a relationship. After a long conversation, and Googling with no success for ways to tell him “I’m not looking for anything serious”, we realized that most pages were either from a male perspective on various dating topics or they focused on teaching men how to do exactly what we were looking for (because if you have a life conundrum, you Google, right?).
In the past, attitudes towards female sexuality have been simply ridiculous — sorry, no other way to put it — reflecting the anxiety and hypocrisy of the times. In the medieval world, the population feared hunger, plagues, the devil… and women, being particularly outraged by normal female sexuality. The 19th century saw attitudes unchanged as academics confirmed, through obviously dubious methods, the lower intellectual capacities of women. It cannot be ignored that the historically male dominated structures have intentionally perpetuated two types of perspectives on women’s sexuality: it is not for her pleasure OR it’s dangerous and therefore punishable. Patriarchal systems have inherently devalued women by not allowing them autonomy over any feelings or activities related to their own sexuality, labeling them a sin, a crime or promiscuity.
The medical contributions to this prejudice were even more shocking, with gynaecologists and psychiatrists designing operations for the “cure” of the contemporary disorders of masturbation and nymphomania. The gynaecologist, Isaac Baker Brown was a staunch supporter of clitoridectomy — basically the European, surgical version of female genital mutilation — believing it could prevent the progression from insanity to masturbatory melancholia, paralysis, blindness and even death (feel free to stop for a moment and gasp).
During the 19th century, having sexual thoughts or desires was also seen as one of the main symptoms of hysteria, which was an illness usually misdiagnosed on “troublemaking” women. But then the good Dr. J Mortimer Granville invented an “electromechanical medical instrument”, to aid in treating such symptoms of the disease, thus bringing forth “the vibrator”.
Well, joke’s on them.
In some parts of Africa and the middle East, to curtail women’s sexuality, society has gone so far as to instil female genital mutilation practices as cultural ritual. FGM, as it’s called, is practised as a matter of course in many countries. Young girls, often around the age of puberty but sometimes only a few days old, are compelled to undergo the procedure by family members and other authority figures who commonly preach reasons of tradition.
But the most prevalent justification for FGM is the reduction of a woman’s sex drive. The theory is that by excising the clitoris, or suturing the labia together, a woman’s interest in sexual pleasure and her ability to enjoy sex are decreased. In societies that value female virginity, FGM can increase a woman’s chances of finding a marriage partner, which in some cases is still essential for women’s social and economic survival. If a woman has undergone the procedure, it almost serves as proof that she is chaste and a firm believer in culture and tradition.
As I research and write this, I am not surprised but always baffled this is still happening today.
Alas, it is 2018, and the world, thankfully at a wider scale, seems to be grasping that women’s sexuality is not something to be feared, reproached or kept in check. Thanks to greater global connectivity (let’s face it, the internet can be a good thing), and the uphill battle by several women’s rights groups and social enterprises, we can all speak a bit more openly and without taboos about female sexuality.
I hope it does not come as a surprise to anyone reading this that the same hormones (yes, the same) that bring forth male sex drive are the ones that do the same for women. When it comes to sexual desire, the most influential hormone is testosterone. Though it’s often considered a male hormone, testosterone (like estrogen) is produced by both men and women, though the proportions differ between the sexes.
The WHO defines sexual health as a “positive state of mental, physical and social-wellbeing in relation to sexuality” and it includes the possibility to have pleasurable and safe sexual experiences. This goes for all men and women.
So it is extremely encouraging that in today’s world, there is a small revolution happening in the way women express their sexuality and take ownership of their normal desires as human beings, despite the gender apartheid that is still raging in a lot of countries.
In Angola, a country that is still stiflingly conservative and where yours truly hails from, theater about the Vagina Monologues is now something accepted and popular. We now have events addressed at shedding taboos about female sexuality, complete with sexologists and coaches. Saying the word ‘sexologist’ in Angola still evokes palpable feelings of discomfort, the same or worse than a swear word at a professional meeting. We have women that openly and shamelessly (there shouldn’t have been any shame to begin with), speak about being strong in their womanhood like Lurinela Mendes (She is a riot!).
Recently I’ve come across a series of programs that Christiane Amanpour (one of my personal heroes), a CNN veteran correspondent who is known for her boots-on-the-ground reporting in the most dangerous war zones (not to mention her riveting interviews with world leaders, personalities and dictators) has an upcoming limited series called Sex & Love Around the World. She is quoted as saying “Mostly when you think, sex and television [news] you think sex trafficking, you think child brides. This is exactly the opposite. It’s the vital other side that never gets explored.” The series will explore sex, intimacy, and relationships in cities around the world, from Berlin and its sex clubs to Tokyo where an astounding 40 percent of adult men are virgins.
In the UK, three amazing women have started and are working on Leika, a platform that encourages sexual exploration through education and entertainment, where “you’ll be guided through sessions of self-discovery to develop an intimate understanding of your body. Then, with the support of a flirty and responsive virtual personality, you’ll be encouraged to engage in spoken conversation as you’re guided through arousing and sensual content that stimulates your imagination”. I mean, how cool is this?
Seeing so many initiatives to spur sexual education around the globe is inspiring. To me, this goes way beyond a woman’s libido — it is about the sense of self women are being robbed of. A woman’s body has not been her own since the beginning of history.
A woman who does not know her body, cannot fully know herself.
For those that advocate that sexual education leads to promiscuity, take some time to think of how a woman can possibly have a happy and fulfilling marriage or any relationship, without psychologically knowing what would make her happy and fulfilled. Sex has been taught to women as something that happens to them; not as something that is pleasurable or that they can choose to have for themselves.
A woman’s body and sexuality seems to be last frontier in this long battle for the removal of the label of “less than”. They’ve challenged societal norms to gain economic rights, political rights, professional rights and now some solid ground has been gained for the gains of physical rights (it almost sounds asinine). From Queens Zenobya to Cleopatra to Nzinga, to the early feminist movements in the 19th century, to today’s MeToo movement, women have been pushing to be able to claim their rights as own rights.
This is not a rally call to go out right now and have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry on the street. It is a call to not underestimate the importance of knowing your physical self as well as your emotional self. Being connected to how your body moves and reacts to your surroundings is important. For your self esteem. For your mental health.
So, thank you, society for starting to acknowledge that women have the same needs as men, and allowing us to be sexual beings too… I guess.
