#WomanCentered: TAKEALLAH RIVERA

How has having or not having children affected the overall trajectory of your life?

Originally, I did not want children, and planned to get my tubes tied on my 18th birthday, move to Miami, and adopt two Yorkshire Terriers. After years of fighting for a tubal ligation and an IUD (no physician would give me either), I ended up pregnant with my son at age 23 after birth control failure. At the time, his father had no interest in parenting, so I braved the pregnancy, labor, and delivery alone. Patriarchal, societal pressures assured me that I had made a huge mistake in becoming a single mother, but over time, I began to embrace my identity as a single mom and now wear the badge proudly.

The fact that I am responsible for another human being and have the opportunity to raise a feminist motivates me to keep pursuing my goals and advocating for reproductive justice. The last thing the world needs is another Men’s Rights Activist and having the opportunity to shape a young man into the complete opposite of an MRA gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

Do you feel pressure to fulfill an idea of womanhood that may/may not correspond to who you actually are? If so, please describe.

Previously, I felt pressured to get married. Being a Black single mother, I’m oftentimes bombarded with comments telling me that I should “hurry up and find a man,” or to accept any ole Joe Blow that comes along because “not too many men want a single mother.” I never aspired to get married, and becoming a single mother reaffirmed that decision.

I have a tiny human watching me, and the last thing that I want to teach him is that it is okay to settle. It’s not. I refuse to settle. At this point in my life, I see myself being nothing other than single. I enjoy the freedom of flying solo and I have my family of one tiny human and four cats. We plan to expand our family soon- with turtles affectionately named after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Do you have advice for other women regarding birth control methods that worked well or didn’t work well for you?

I encourage all women to deeply explore their contraception options and stay up-to-date on events surrounding contraception via feminist websites (RH Reality Check, Planned Parenthood, and NARAL are great starting points!) Never allow anyone, whether physician or partner, to pressure you into a contraceptive method you are not completely comfortable with. Question everything!

In 2016, openly discussing one’s reproductive choices is still considered taboo, why do you suppose more women aren’t having these conversations?

Social media! It can be a wonderful thing, but it is also used as a tool to harass, shame, and silence women.

Where are you on the continuum of self-love? On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being Kanye West), how much do you love yourself and how do you reinforce and/or improve this?

As a rehabilitated serial monogamist and survivor of gender-based violence, my self-love rating has grown from a poor 1 to a proud 8.

Only after being devalued by so many individuals that I allowed into my life did I begin to understand the importance of self-love and self-preservation. I’ve fallen head-over-heels with myself and have been enjoying the quality time spent with such an amazing person! I travel frequently (alone and with my son), nourish my mind, body, and spirit with yummy foods, frequent exercise, and therapy to cope with previous traumas, and treat myself frequently.

If you could go back in time and give your younger self some vital information or critical education about your body, your overall wellness, or your reproductive health, what would your advice be?

I would advise my younger self and any young woman to get out of their hometown, whether you relocate permanently, or travel frequently. Step out of your comfort zone regularly. Most importantly, never put your goals and dreams on hold for a relationship. Make yourself your number one priority. Everything else will fall into place.

(If applicable) how have the men closest to you supported your reproductive choices?

I value no man’s opinion on my reproductive choices. My body, my choice.