Delulu is NOT the Solulu: Realizations of A Woman In the Throes of Financial Ruin

Melissa A. Matthews
Woman’s Rant
Published in
3 min readMay 25, 2024

There was a point where I was really angry and everything felt unfair but I've passed that point now. Things aren't fair or unfair, they just are. I got myself into this financial mess by being too nice, too nonchalant about the use of my credit, and living beyond my means.

I know I have the ability to budget and save but quite frankly, I'm not earning enough to comfortably cover all of my expenses right now. That means I have to figure out how to make more money in order to dig myself out of this hole and stay out of it.

My side hustle is wildly unsuccessful at this point but the upside is I'm not losing any money running it. So alternative streams of income have to be the way. I suck at selling things and in the past I've been delusional about this fact to the extent that every time I felt the squeeze of my financial inadequacy, I'd design a tee shirt or create a new print and put it up for sale absolutely confident that I'd sell 100 of them. I have never sold 100 of any singular item in my life. Let me qualify how ridiculously delusional I am:

Over the last eight months, I've sold a total of 11 items from my e-commerce business.

Two years ago, I did a print for charity and sold it for $10/each with the goal of selling 1,000 prints. How many actually sold? 15.

I might've come close with my children's books, having printed 50 of one book and sold about 45 and 100 of the other, having sold somewhere between 70 and 80 BUT a singular item, they are not.

Sold about 40 of my coloring book but have been paying $41 a month to store them in a fulfillment center in the US for about two years meaning any profit I would've made from them has already been spent.

What's the point of this mini rant? My delulu is in fact NOT the solulu.

If I can't sell anything, what can I do?

Today, I googled remote customer service positions. Maybe I can do that part time and earn enough to supplement my consulting income?

I'm an entrepreneur and therefore, the thought of applying for a regular job leaves me feeling woefully unqualified. I haven't worked within a corporate structure for well over ten years.

I used to make some income from writing here on Medium back in the day but I'm not entirely sure making anything substantial here without 10K+ followers is a possibility anymore.

Perhaps, I can rustle up a few more consulting clients? I’ve not been very good at this in the last six months, but maybe the discomfort of the concrete wall my back is up against tearing at my skin will be the motivation I need to close deals?

We shall see…

If you're interested in following my journey of attempting to dig myself out of financial ruin, stick around. I'm considering blogging the process with facts, figures and the nitty gritty that makes us all feel icky!