Ask Women in Product
The Women in Product (WIP) leaders receive lots of questions via email, at our events, or in our Facebook community group. We created “Ask Women in Product” as a forum to answer these questions based on our experiences.
Dear WIP,
I’m a college student. I grew up in an engineering family and have always seen STEM as my future. But I have been the victim of severe bullying because of my gender. This includes male peers saying that I used affirmative action to accomplish the things I have done. I reported the abuses to the department. But it made the bullying worse for all the girls on campus.
Despite all of my accomplishments such as leading my school’s ACM, TAing classes, and helping to start an initiative to teach high schoolers about STEM, I feel like an absolute failure. If I am too harsh, they’ll say that I am aggressive. If I am too nice, they’ll say that I’m disingenuous. If I’m too successful, they’ll say it was affirmative action. If I’m too normal, they’ll say that I am a ‘typical girl’ who can only rely on others.
There was a long while where I wanted to quit STEM and move to another major with a better culture. After I attended Grace Hopper, I chose to stay. A lot of people thought I was very stupid for staying with a culture that wanted to beat me down at every opportunity, and I’m not sure I made the right decision.
I am at the cusp of graduation and looking at the rest of my life, I can’t help but feel a little lost. I love product management, I love code, I love tech, but I feel jaded by my experiences and don’t know what to do.
— STEM or No STEM
Dear STEM or No STEM,
I grew up in a small town in the South where I was bullied relentlessly for being different. It made me closed off for many years as a way to protect myself from feeling hurt. But somewhere along the way, the thing that worked for me no longer did, and I learned that I could channel that negative energy for something good.
There will always be people who will tear you down. The only thing you can control is how you react. Use that frustration to propel you forward. You can either be the victim or the beneficiary of your own experience. Take what others are using to try to hurt you to become a source of strength.
You will find that there are many reasons people will try to stand in your way, and it will continue to a greater or lesser extent throughout your career, especially if you are perceived as different. But tech is an industry where you can build the future, and the impact you have will be lasting. You have a large group of sisters and allies rooting for you.
Your history is not your destiny, unless you let it be.
- Deb, Women in Product Co-Founder
