The Quest for Femininity

The role of feminism in the digital age

Recently, my best friend has been lamenting our “highly feminized” society.

“Our highly feminized society?” I ask, eyebrows raised, “Is that the same one I lovingly refer to as, the patriarchy?”

Perhaps we do live in different dimensions.

She feels that feminism has dulled men, persuaded women away from femininity, and made everyone go dutch on dinner. At the same time, she’s been minding a resurgence of femininity and female archetypes; everything from goddesses to housewives.

“So are you going to embrace your true femininity, now?” she teases.

“Certainly,” I reply, “I’m very feminine”.

“So why do you consider yourself a feminist?” she asks. “And what does it mean, to be a feminine feminist?”.

I want to be a

beautiful,

caring,

and empathetic

baller.

For me, “feminine” and “masculine” are just divisors of qualities. They are useful for historical understanding, style, archetypes and mythology.

I have a dominantly feminine personality. But I like to drive.

I enjoy being flowing and graceful, while also being in control. I make strong decisions that spark with chaos and creativity, and stem from intuition and desire.

For me, feminism is synonymous with freedom, choice and power.

It’s not about being more like a man, or making everyone go to work.

It’s about empowering each individual woman towards self-actualization, and that process looks different for everyone.

I honor you if you’d prefer to ride on the passenger’s side. I honor you if you want to be a housewife. I honor any decision you make with courage, because that’s what feminism means to me. Feminism is the uplifting, caring for and empowerment of women- in their ability to be anything they wish to be.

As feminine as I may be, there is no doubting my desire for traditionally masculine things such as power, money and influence. But I’m not going to change who I am, or hide any part of myself. Yes, there’s the pressure to be a strict machine. But I’ll choose passion, compassion, kindness and elegance— over and again.

I think my friend is right. For an “educated” women to choose the path of a housewife is a bit taboo. Yet making your relationship, and your family, your focal point is a beautiful choice. And if that feels difficult for women, then that’s where feminism needs to be.

Feminism may have been a contributing factor, but it more an issue of economics that drove so many women to the workplace. Two-income houses simply make more, and its getting harder and harder to raise income with a single breadwinner. That fueled the world of pencil skirts faster than any philosophy ever did.

Today, most of the choices I make for myself would have been unthinkable, just a few generations ago.

I am grateful.

A battalion of female warriors risked their dignity and put their hearts on the line, all so one day someone like me might walk around in liberty.

The roots of feminism are women supporting women.

In whatever form goddesses choose to be.

For Lauren Chu, who taught me everything I know about having fun.

Thank you to Charlotte Medlock, Julia E. Morton and Patricia Reiter for editing the draft of this essay.