How to be truly feminine!

Lila Iris
Women Voices
Published in
5 min readFeb 17, 2021


Interview with Deborah Sundahl

TOP US BESTSELLING AUTHOR of the book “Female ejaculation and the G-spot” and Facilitator of Women sensuality groups

What is femininity for you?

This is a very general question. I don’t do with general femininity — I work mostly and specifically with the female prostate. So my answer will be based from that perspective. I would say the femininity is the ability to be in the body, to feel joy and pleasure and comfort, to love your vulva as a way of self-care, to understand that a huge part of your creativity, of your sexuality and sensuality comes from your live force, which is the same force that you encounter in orgasm. And the life force is very fluid, it comes from the soul, comes from the spirit, it has its own language and these are aspects that the feminine can easily relate to, more easily than the masculine. So the orgasm is definitely connected to our creativity, because that`s the second chakra — the energy in the abdomen — that is literally a ball of creativity, a “ball of muscles” of creativity.

Which is the number 1 practice or ritual that has helped you most to evolve as a woman?

That is the meditation practice that I teach in my Awaken the G-spot workshops, which is a a mindful touch of specifically the head, body and tail of the female practice. It is a twelve minutes meditation that I still use to ground myself in the heart of my femininity, which is the prostate.

Do you use that technique daily?

You don’t need to do it daily –no. A woman would do it once a week. Even if she does it twice a month, but consistently, over time this practice does amazing things to keep her in touch and grounded in her feminine energy. This is where the power of the first chakra is. This is where she gets “rooted” into the energy of the Mother Earth and she can learn to do it with mindful, ever so slow touch, millimetre by millimetre, SLOW.

We don’t know what slow is, we don’t know — neither male, nor female, and that`s exactly what we learn with this practice — to slow down.

And I cannot stress enough here that a woman needs to do that herself — it`s about your connection, to your own body. You are not going to get it or demand it from a man — if you cannot give that to you. It`s your body. Self-love and care.

Which is one of the biggest challenges in front of modern women in your opinion?


BUSINESS and speed and being pulled away from the inner mind and focus with modern demands.

What would you advise women who don’t feel so confident or are intimidated, based on not feeling pretty enough, comparing to other women?

As a feminist I learned to cooperate and love other women, not compete with them (mainly for men`s attention). So that ended the comparing and not feeling good enough and therefore lack of confidence, easily intimidated. These are all based on cultural postulates — men date women and women compete with other women for men. This keeps us separated and activates the downward spiral — separation, distrust, always comparing ourselves, so that we can compete and win. And it all does big damage to the confidence of the female. It`s based on an old social construct that no longer applies and really needs to die — and it is dying. You cannot truly share if you don’t love women, if you don’t respect women. And you can’t really love yourself and respect yourself, if you can’t give the same to other women.

How a woman can open to love and stay open?

The doorway is to open to loving yourself — it`s a practice that the more you do it, the better you get at it. And that`s something to do every day, every single day.

Can past generations’ trauma, inherited from our ancestors, influence our sexual life and can it be healed with your practice of the awakening of the G-spot?

I`m not qualified to answer that question — about genetically inherited trauma. This is for someone like Peter Levine. I would encourage you to ask this question to trauma therapists and psychologists who have explored this topic long and carefully enough. I would not muddy the waters, cause that`s a very sensitive and responsible theme. It`s important to credit people and to find those ones, who spend their life studying this, they are the ones to know. The rest is just opinions or maybe a personal experience, which is also valuable. So it`s gotta be either one or the other — either personal experience or a trained professional. That said, I wanna say that the more self-love and self-care that you give to your vulva, your vagina, the more you open up and deepen the subjects of pleasure and trust, makes you happy, makes you loving. And that’s my answer to this question. And I have seen this happening in my work and with my meditation practice for years, to many, many women. They don’t always have to see a therapist to start loving themselves, they don’t need to go through big hoops and jumps. They also don’t need to “ejaculate” this trauma, it is also not how it is done. It is about a mindful touch to your body, your relationship, about healing yourself.

How to help the masculine heal? The men in our life — also including our own inner masculine.

Get in touch with his own body. A lot of guys want women to do that for them — they have the same trauma issues like women, so they need gentleness as well.


Read more amazing interviews like this one in the ebook “Conscious Femininity” on Amazon:

Little sneak peak of the female wisdom, packed in this book!



Lila Iris
Women Voices

Hi! My name is Lila. I`m a psychologist by education, Writer & Eastern female yoga instructor by vocation and Lover by heart! Welcome to Women Voices!