Memoir Review: All You Can Ever Know

All You Can Ever Know tells the story of Nicole Chung, born to Korean parents and adopted by white parents in suburban Oregon. As she grows up, Chung faces racism and alienation as a trans racial adoptee that she hides from her adoptive family.

Her parents see their adoption of her as an act of God and tell it to her in a story that almost becomes myth. But as she grows up, she begins to fantasize about her birth parents as well, longing to meet them. She was adopted as part of closed adoption, and her parents do not want her to reach out to them, fearing the repercussions.

When she finally seeks out her birth parents it is just as Chung is pregnant with her first child. The questions she had about being a mother spurred her to proceed with what she had not been able to in the past.

She speaks about her own pregnancy and longing to have another person in the world with whom she has a biological connection. She also has practical questions about giving birth, her health history, and why her mother gave birth so prematurely, that she does not feel she can get from her own mother, who has never given birth.

The reality of the family she finds is more complex than she could have imagined as a child, including two sisters. As she comes to know her biological family, she is forced to face the fact that the idealized version of how a reunion would go and what these people would be like is not what she imagined as a child.