My Manager Terrifies Me!

How to Transform from a Feared Boss to a Beloved Mentor

I was just reading a Twitter post by Gergely Orosz about being afraid of their manager early in their career. As I read the post, it reminded me of feedback I received from one of my direct reports early in my managerial career. She mentioned that when I asked if I could chat with her without any further context, it scared her, as she mentally went through all the possible worst-case scenarios that a chat with her manager implied. It was great feedback for me and continues to be that little voice that reminds me to think before I speak or send a quick message.

Dale Chihuly’s awe-inspiring blown glass sculptures; Photo courtesy Christina Gem

Why are some managers terrifying?

In my experience while there is a small set of managers that enjoy the power they wield, most usually have no idea that this is the case. See my cluelessness when I slacked one of my team members and gave them no context as to why I wanted to chat with them. Here are the majority of reasons why managers come across that way.

1. Power dynamics: Managers often hold significant power over their employees, which can create a sense of fear and intimidation.
2. High expectations: Managers are responsible for ensuring that their team meets certain standards and goals, which can put a lot of pressure on them and create a tense work environment.
3. Unclear communication: If a manager does not communicate effectively with their team, it can lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and anxiety.
4. Micromanagement: When a manager micromanages their employees, it can create a sense of distrust and frustration, making employees feel like they are not trusted to do their job.
5. Personalities: Some managers may have a personality or leadership style that is difficult for some employees to work with, which can create a sense of fear or discomfort.

How to tell if your team is awe-inspired by you or terrified?

Look for these tell tale signs in your team. Some of these on their own could signal something else, but if you identify two or more of these to be accurate, it’s advisable to make changes.

1. Lack of communication: If your employees avoid speaking to you or only communicate when absolutely necessary, it may be a sign that they are afraid of you.
2. Lack of eye contact: If your employees avoid making eye contact with you or look down when speaking to you, it may indicate that they feel intimidated or scared.
3. High turnover rate: If you notice that employees are leaving the company or requesting transfers frequently, it may indicate that they are uncomfortable working with you.
4. Lack of enthusiasm: If your employees seem disengaged, unenthusiastic, or uninterested in their work, it may indicate that they are unhappy with their work environment.
5. Poor performance: If your employees are consistently underperforming or making mistakes, it may be due to fear or anxiety about working under your supervision.

What should you as a manager do about it?

In order to avoid being seen as intimidating, it’s important to recognize that as a manager, you have a specific role to fulfill, just like your team members have their own roles. Both roles are equally significant. Your responsibilities as a manager may include conducting performance reviews, evaluating promotions, and possibly working with a team member on a PIP, which could potentially give you a sense of power over them. However, the moment you start thinking of yourself as having such power, you risk becoming one of those managers who cannot be trusted. To build trust and become an inspiring leader, it’s important to approach your role thoughtfully and focus on a few key areas.

• Be approachable: Being an approachable manager can help reduce anxiety in your team members and promote interactions that are positive. As a manager, make every effort to be available to your team, listen actively and respond thoughtfully.
• Build relationships: Put in the effort to build positive relationships. Relationships are a big part of making your team and therefore you, to be successful. Invest in knowing your team members, make the time to check on them and genuinely be interested in their well being.
• Communicate clearly: Effective communication is essential for building trust and reducing anxiety. This meant that when I asked to chat with a team member, I provided context and said something along the lines of “Just wanted to check in on project y and was wondering if you needed any support”.
• Provide support: As a manager ensure that your team has the resources, training, and support they need to succeed in their roles. This will reduce anxiety and build confidence, leading to increased productivity and job satisfaction.

A great example of a leader who focused on building positive relationships with their team is Tony Hsieh, the former CEO of Zappos. Hsieh made it a priority to create a fun and supportive work environment for his employees by fostering open communication, encouraging creativity and innovation, and investing in employee development and well-being.

Hsieh also famously prioritized customer service, believing that happy employees lead to happy customers. He even instituted a policy of offering new employees $2,000 to quit if they didn’t feel like Zappos was the right fit for them, as he believed that it was better to have a small turnover rate of happy employees than a larger turnover rate of unhappy ones.

As a manager, it’s important to remember that your actions and behaviors can have a significant impact on your team members’ perceptions and experiences. While it’s natural to have some power dynamics in play, it’s crucial to prioritize building trust, fostering positive relationships, and communicating effectively with your team. By doing so, you can create an environment that inspires and motivates your team members to do their best work, rather than one that instills fear and anxiety. Follow the example of leaders like Tony Hsieh, who prioritized creating a supportive and fun work environment, investing in employee development and well-being, and prioritizing customer service. By focusing on these areas, you can become a leader that your team is in awe of, rather than one they’re terrified of.