Things I learned from a micromanager
Hint: I almost became one
Say, you just got promoted to a manager position or a high-ranking official in an agency, how do you imagine running the team, making sure you accomplish targets on time according to your standards and the organization’s, when all eyes are on you?
If you are inexperienced in managing and you don’t have the slightest idea on how to assess your team’s strengths and weaknesses BUT you believe your work is the best and you secretly have that fear of looking inadequate, then you just earned a nomination of being the top micromanager of the year!
Remember this as you go along: there’s always I in micromanager.
Let’s wear their uncomfortable shoes for a while.
If I were one, I would make sure everything is spick and span in the first few months or years of my new job.
Repeat after me: things within and outside of my control are still in my jurisdiction.
I would make sure everything is perfect because I do things perfectly (hence the promotion!) and I need to make sure everyone knows how things get done (through my instruction and supervision — multiple times a day!).
My favorite phrases are:
- “Please cc me in all your emails”.
- “Have everything run by me”.
- “Please schedule hourly status updates.”
- “I don’t like what you drafted, block the whole afternoon for us to sit down on this.”
My favorite body languages are:
- a look of disappointment
- constant arm-crossing
- forehead-rubbing
- audible deep sighing
My favorite things to highlight are:
- your weaknesses
- your minor mistakes
- your subpar outputs
- your inadequate abilities
My favorite strategy is to pass the blame and it sounds like:
- “You should’ve sounded the alarm.”
- “How did this go wrong?”
- “Can you tell me how you did it from start to finish?”
- “You should’ve gone to me if you were confused.”
- “Let’s focus on what you did and how it went wrong.”
My favorite activities are:
- throwing you under the bus
- shifting the blame
- pointing the finger
- looking for faults
And if I get tired of my main personality, I delegate it to you. Congratulations! You are now promoted to being the new micromanager of the team. I finally trust you enough to delegate my micromanaging so I won’t have to do it to everyone else but you, because I have bigger decisions to make now.
This is how you create the next generation of burned out employees, suffering from self-doubt, loss of motivation, feeling of inadequacy, and low morale.
In Harry E. Chambers’ book called “My Way or the Highway: The Micromanagement Survival Guide”, he shared a formula that captures the actual root causes of micromanagement:
Micromanagement = Fear + Comfort + Confusion
Mm = Fr + Cm + Cf
The micromanagement behavior is strongly influenced by fear, the fear of a negative outcome — a very familiar set-up for someone who has a perfectionist tendency.
Comfort, on the other hand, is driven by the feeling of continuing to do the same things the way you would have done them. Perfect for newly promoted managers or leaders who cannot remove their employee hats or unlearn their previous roles.
Confusion arises when managers are not clear on the roles, objectives, and goals. If they fail to communicate this because they might have a poor understanding of the task or the project, they would jump right in and correct the situation themselves, leading to more intense micromanagement behavior.
How to spot them from a mile away and survive a potential encounter
Some of them are born out of the suffocating environment of academia and have spawned elsewhere — in start-ups, in the corporate world, and in the government.
We already know the typical profile of what one sounds like, how one behaves, and why they are the way they are. But how do we deal with them?
Let’s look at different situations.
#1 You are about to work with one.
You have landed your dream job, and you did some digging, and you’ve been warned that your boss is known to be a micromanager. If you are starting here, then luckily, you have the chance to set the tone (if backing out is not an option).
- Establish your work style at the start.
Tell your boss your strengths and weaknesses clearly so they know what to expect. If you’re logical but not detail-oriented, you won’t match their energy, but you will still get the job done. Oftentimes, if they already had victims in the past, you would think: Who are you to successfully set boundaries with them?
Just think of it this way: So long as you don’t kiss ass and you value boundaries, the rest of the world will take the hint.
If you have people-pleasing tendencies like I did, it will be a struggle to set the tone because there is not an ounce of self-esteem to set it with. Work on this as you go along because this will be a point of entry for your micromanager boss to sink their teeth into.
- Use your energy wisely.
If you are on to your second micromanager, boss, why keep the streak? Sarcasm aside, if you are facing another one, you already know that energy flows where attention goes. Do not waste your energy by feeding yours into theirs and allowing them to nitpick on the minor details of the task. You know the execution better than they do, they just give you the illusion that you don’t. At the end of the day, did the world burn down after you missed a typo? There are bigger battles out there.
- Remind yourself that perfectionism is the killer of productivity.
Let’s face it. It is really about them projecting their insecurities to you. They make you feel incompetent because they are probably one. Most of them sacrifice submitting an output on time because they take days nitpicking your work and not deciding on a final version yet because they think you just don’t seem to get it, so they take over and they never teach you anything. If they are recently promoted, they are probably having a hard time letting go of the old employee hat, and they are still building that muscle to trust others. If you think this is a justification for their toxic management, you need some work to do. Stop reaching for the Kool-Aid, or else you will end up with another season of getting burned by another micromanager.
#2 You are suffering from one.
Unfortunately, if you are already in the middle of it and just happened to read this article, fret not—there’s still a silver lining.
In situations like when the manager can’t afford to lose you, they would start spewing things such as:
“You can tell me anything, this is a safe space.”
They usually say this so they can control you more easily. Watch out for this manipulation.
If you happen to fall into the trap of speaking your mind about boundaries and suggesting some alternatives, they would pull the next part of the trick and say:
“Let’s just get the job done. It is crucial that we get this done and you are the only one I can trust to do it.”
They love this type of manipulation so you can fulfill the task the way they want to do it. They love control and they love feeding off of your energy if they see that sparkle of enthusiasm in your eyes.
If they happen to be in STEM or in a start-up that deals with innovative tech solutions, etc., they would most likely say:
“If it’s your passion, you don’t really mind the hours and the challenge. We are part of something bigger here. This is a niche field.” Yada yada yada…
I was also raised in academia, where we’re told to always be on top of our game, to do something novel, to create something no one has done before, and to be the first to do it. I knew what my micromanager boss was talking about when she was telling me those things because I heard it all before. She just parroted what she heard and made it her mantra. And she tried to raise me to become her.
If you are finally self-aware of the situation, remember to:
Check yourself and your mental health.
How are you doing at home? Are you still thinking of work? Is your work affecting your relationships? Are you still taking care of yourself? Do not be afraid to tell them you need to eat lunch during the actual lunch hours.
Be proactive about the situation.
It helps when you unload the nagging thoughts from your head so you stop ruminating over it every day. It is helpful to have a work buddy who keeps you sane or someone in your circle to check up on you, keep you grounded, and remind you of your authentic self. It is one thing to blow off steam, it is another to be proactive about it.
Set clear boundaries, if you haven’t already.
Do not fall into the power play trap. They prey on those with blurred lines and enthusiastic energy — a template for an easily exploitable employee. If the micromanager boss wants transparency and efficiency, be realistic and do it in a way that helps everyone, not just them. After all, they rely on your outputs.
Act your wage.
This is very important. Most micromanagers use the phrase, “I am the only one working hard here.” As they should. They’re paid way more to work longer hours than us. We’re just paid to draft. They review. Do not work longer hours like them just to make up for their incompetencies.
Embody self-confidence and strong self-esteem.
This will be your armor when your boss tries to nitpick your outputs and put the blame on you. Do not take things personally. In the arena, this is harder to execute. If you don’t have strong self-esteem at the start, this will be a real challenge. Be honest with yourself, and remember that you are not your output. You will fall into a spiral if you attach your self-esteem to your work and if you don’t have clear boundaries between your job and your life outside it.
Sadly, I did all of those above, but the micromanaging never stopped.
I was missing another point. I can only control my responses, but I can never change the person. If they are in too deep, it’s time to pack your bags and let go.
All the stoicism helped for a while when I was dealing with a micromanager, but when values do not align at all, what’s the point?
#3 You want to avoid one.
At this point in your job hunting or fixing your career, you probably have a choice to completely avoid a micromanager. This is the part where you can still turn the steering wheel around and look elsewhere.
- Look at the telltale signs.
Do your research and spare yourself the potential trauma. If they happen to have the same template as someone who is very “hands-on”, this is not a healthy sign. If you have a chance to ask around and probe in the workplace, this is when you can connect the dots and potentially discover a red flag.
- Look at the working environment.
If it’s a starting organization or a young agency, it could either go slightly bad or an outright struggle. Growing pains can pose a challenge to everyone but there are healthy ways to approach it, if people would just leave their egos out the door. Pick your battles wisely.
- Check their background.
I hate to perpetuate the stereotype but if they are in one of the industries or fields where it’s known to churn out perfectionist and uptight decision-makers, watch your back and be on the lookout. Look at their values, their past accomplishments, and their view on work-life balance. If they happen to dedicate their whole lives to their work, chances are they would bring you down that level too.
How not to become a micromanager
They say if you are in a toxic work environment long enough but you need to keep that job for economical reasons, you need to check yourself from time to time because most probably, you are becoming toxic too.
Some of us will probably become future leaders or big business owners or are already one. It is then very crucial to stop perpetuating the cycle so we don’t breed another confused generation with a worse term than burnout.
Now, don’t get me wrong on this. There’s always room for growth, especially if you are new at your job or role. Most micromanagers are unintentionally doing it, some are cunning enough to do it on purpose, and others just don’t care.
But what can you do on your end?
Get to the root.
Most micromanagers are perfectionists with inferiority complex. If you are someone with people-pleasing tendencies who can’t accept that mistakes are part of the solution, do not let this get as far as projecting it to others and making them feel the same way. Work on yourself first especially if you are in an environment that discounts the actual process of growth and learning. What is the thing that you wrap control around so tightly?
If you start feeling that slight impatience when some people do not execute the same task the way you do and if you start thinking they should do it your way, then you could potentially fit the mold of a micromanager.
Be aware of where you are.
Always remind yourself of the long view. Will this place leave a mark on you? And if so, will it be a good one? Is it even a place to grow in? Whatever your intentions are, remember that things rub off on you. Being mindful of your environment and the big picture keeps your values intact.
Practice.
Make it your daily habit. Do it outside of work. Learn to let go of control. What you are could be a sum of your influences and your actions. If you understand that your experiences can mold your leadership style in the future, have good ones and expose yourself to healthy, collaborative environments. Go to places where they celebrate your strengths and values.
If there’s one thing I learned from a micromanager, it is not to become one.
