Why Your Relationship With Negative Feedback Matters
Getting negative feedback is the same as someone pointing out that you have a salad stuck between your teeth. It might feel embarrassing, makes you self-conscious, and you may even feel upset. But, taking corrective action based on that specific feedback would avoid you any further embarrassment.
Let’s take a look at Kelly.
Kelly is a top performer at one of the big management consulting firms. However, Kelly has an issue; when provoked, she might rely on anecdotal feedback to strike back without any data to back up her claims. She might be able to find data later on to provide hard proof, but this type of behavior could lead her to be in very precarious situations — especially if she is not self-aware of what she is doing.
When Kelly gets feedback from her manager, she could either:
- Embrace it and welcome the feedback with open arms by self-correcting.
- Get defensive, deny it, and not take corrective actions.
Pretend You’re The Player Behind a Main Character in a Video Game
Because in this lifetime we are playing ourselves, we tend to focus more on our feelings than we do on what is best for us.
If Kelly was a character in a video game, would you go for:
Scenario 1:
Manager: “Kelly, your work is outstanding, but relying on anecdotal feedback can be risky. Embrace feedback positively and back your points with data. This approach will strengthen your credibility and help you avoid potential pitfalls. Let’s turn this into an opportunity for growth.”
Kelly: “I don’t agree with your feedback. My anecdotes are valid, and I don’t see the need to change my approach.”
>> Kelly proceeds to continuing the same behavior, until one day when she has to present in a business review in front of the company’s leadership. The leadership challenges her findings and Kelly’s ego gets hurt. She repeats the same behavior as per her habit. Only this time, leadership has data that contradicts Kelly’s insights — Kelly stumbles, does not have anything back to say, and leaves the room.
You guessed it, Kelly’s ego got in the way!
Reputation is priceless.
The most valuable commodity that you have in your career is your reputation, once it is destroyed, it can take years to build it back.
Scenario 2:
Manager: “Kelly, your work is outstanding, but relying on anecdotal feedback can be risky. Embrace feedback positively and back your points with data. This approach will strengthen your credibility and help you avoid potential pitfalls. Let’s turn this into an opportunity for growth.”
Kelly: “Thank you for the feedback. I’ll work on incorporating more data to support my arguments and ensure my responses are well-grounded.”
>> Kelly makes sure to pro-actively have data that backs-up her claim. When she does not have data, she restrains from sharing anything not to lose credibility. In addition to that, her manager is impressed by how open she is to constructive feedback — That’s definitely a plus; she shows strong traits of ownership as she is willing to admit when she falls short — These are qualities of a leader.
So who would you rather be? I will leave that with you!
Your relationship with negative feedback shouldn’t be something that you should feel ashamed of. Embrace it, make it one of your powers. Fall in love with failing so that you could become the best version of yourself! But fail fast, and recover, because the world does not have mercy.
Embrace it, make it one of your powers.
So what about constructive feedback that is given in a didactic way?
It’s in your best interest to take the gem out of the dirt. Do not miss out on what could help you get closer to your goals. Work on controlling your ego, especially in the workplace, and those same people that gave you that very negative feedback will be surprised to see how much you have evolved since they have last interacted with you.
As per destructive feedback, that’s when you should dismiss. Escalate the problem to your manager or HR if necessary. Do not sully your reputation for nothing. Like I have mentioned before, it is not easy to restore your reputation, it may take years. Stand up for yourself, but do it elegantly.
Never give up on yourself! It is never too late to do better.
