How to get rid of the knot in your stomach before your next tough meeting.

If you’ve got a tough meeting coming up and you want to learn how to feel empowered going into it, you may find Sandra’s story very helpful!

Sandra’s schedule today…

Sandra has a meeting today with her boss, and she’s been dreading it for a week! She knows that her boss is going to make her feel stupid, small and even scared.

• The meeting is supposed to help Sandra in her role.
• The intention is that it will give her the support, guidance and assistance that Sandra needs to excel.

But that’s not how the meeting is really going to go down!

Sandra knows that “help” is going to be via her boss, pointing out everything she’s done wrong, needs to work on and by her boss highlighting Sandra’s weaknesses.

• Rather than feeling empowered, uplifted and motivated to do a better job, Sandra knows she’ll feel beaten down.

Sandra’s mind has been working overtime!

Since Sandra’s boss scheduled the meeting, Sandra has been rolling around the worst-case scenario in her mind. She has imagined being fired on the spot, being raked over the coals and being belittled, berated and bullied. Hence, the knot in her stomach!

It’s no wonder Sandra is dreading this meeting!

Do you know what? Sadly, probably most of what Sandra fears will come true!

• Sandra’s boss will pick her apart.
• She will identify what Sandra is doing wrong.
• And Sandra’s boss will likely be mean about it.

It’s not all bad news, though! In fact….

Do you know what? None of that means Sandra has to believe all of that. Nor does she have to take it all as absolutes, truths or even helpful advice.

Sandra gets to choose what part of what she hears is helpful.

She can choose to pick between the nastiness, the glaring errors and well-intentioned, but still hurtful comments and find out what’s valuable in between those comments.

Sandra gets to take back control!

What’s more, Sandra gets to decide how she will proactively continue to grow and develop in her leadership role.

Here’s an example of the kinds of messages Sandra’s boss might share:

• You have too much overtime.
• You are not good at managing your time.
• You are always late getting your monthly reports to me.
• Your staff meetings are too long, and you have too many of them. Stop coddling your team.

Sandra’s mindset, what she thinks, matters most!

MINDSET # 1

If Sandra chooses to see herself as flawed, she will take these kinds of comments to heart. The knot in her stomach will grow to a tightening in her chest as she thinks:

• I don’t know how to do all of this work without overtime.
• I’ve never been good at managing my time.
• I’ve never been an organized person.
• I’m not leadership material.

MINDSET #2 (THE BETTER OPTION)

But if Sandra chooses to hear the messages differently, she will PAUSE, take a breath. Then Sandra will PONDER and consider the comments and what else might be true:

• I’ve been working hard to do a good job and putting in the extra effort.
• I’m a committed employee.
• I care about my job and my team!
• Yes, the overtime is killing me. I DO want to reduce it! Not because my boss is telling me too, but because I want to figure leadership out and have a life!

Option # 2 helps Sandra see things with a more confident perspective

Sandra then might use curiosity to PIVOT to new thoughts:

• Where can I learn more about time management as a leader?
• What could I be doing differently, delegating or deciding quicker?

Those new thoughts would help her courageously PROCEED back to work with a confident mindset and learn to manage her time a bit better and find more time for the rest of her life!

Instead of feeling beaten down, Sandra can run through the Inner Guidance Cycle and feel back in control. She can take the core of the feedback (too much overtime) and hear it for what it is — Feedback.

How does this help Sandra get rid of the knot in her stomach before the meeting?

Rather than a victim, Sandra becomes response-able!

By knowing she has control of the thoughts, by choosing how to hear messages and by intentionally choosing to not take things personally in the meeting, but rather focus on the content, Sandra will lessen the emotional charge going into the meeting. She becomes response-able!

When Sandra chooses her thoughts, she feels her confidence soar!

And…because I know Sandra has read Mastering Confidence, I know, that she knows, that being confident in a meeting, isn’t about what someone else thinks. It’s what you believe about yourself that matters.

• Do YOU believe you can learn?
• Do YOU believe you can grow and develop?
• Do YOU believe you have the potential to be an extraordinary leader?

If you believe all of those things, the tone with which your boss shares those messages in that upcoming meeting is less relevant than the content of the messages themselves and what you choose to hear, believe and take action on.

Sandra is also working on staying composed!

Oh, and because I know Sandra is watched the webinar: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity in The Training Library, I know she’s prepared and If…then…plan for when she gets triggered. She knows what kind of comments might trigger her and cause her to lose her composure, and she’s planned her response and practiced it ahead of time.

If she calls me emotional, I know it will make me feel like crying right there in the meeting. I’ll feel threatened, vulnerable and insecure.

So, IF she calls me emotional, THEN, I will take a slow deep breath, even if she’s waiting for me to respond. After my deep breath, I’ll say: My emotions are powerful guides to my work, and yes, I am working on maintaining my composure and managing my emotions. Thanks for reminding me I still have work to do! (insert smile)

Sandra is going to get a little boost with a Power Pose too!

Because Sandra had a coaching call with me this week, I reminded her what she learned about feeling confident in her body when she read Mastering Confidence. Sandra laughed…Yes, I’ll go to the bathroom and power pose for two minutes before the meeting!

Now, the knots have turned to butterflies

Sandra is still nervous, but she is feeling waaaaaay more confident and in control of her responses!

Will you do what Sandra did?

If you want to ditch the knot in your stomach before today’s meeting, then you need to get ahold of your thoughts and emotions before you go into the meeting. You need to create a mindset that allows you to take back power, your personal power. When you become response-able…able to respond in a way that makes you feel empowered, you’ll be able to handle your meeting with more confidence too!

As always, I’m over here cheering you on! I know you can do it!

Find out more about how to enhance your confidence here.