Reflecting on One and a Half Years Single

A 21-year-olds thoughts on finding a partner-in-crime

I don’t just want someone to snuggle up next to in bed, for that I have a pillow.

I don’t just want someone who tells me I am beautiful, for that I have my friends.

I don’t just want someone who supports me, for that I have my family.

I want someone who challenges me, pushes me, tells me that while I am doing great — I could be doing greater.

I want a partner-in-crime who knows my every kink, crack, flaw, and weak spot. But, rather than exploiting them to hurt me, uses their intimate knowledge of what makes me vulnerable, to make me stronger.

I went on more than a dozen first dates in the last few months of 2013. I am told by my girlfriends that that is a lot. The men, ranging from early 20′s to mid 30′s, flattered me, opened doors, and told me I was going places.

Which was kind and heartfelt and compassionate and everything a girl should want according to Cosmo.

They sat across the table, ordered wine, and gingerly made conversation being sure not to step over the line into controversial. They avoided talking about work or politics and, instead, told me about the vacation they recently took to Europe. I laughed, amused, but not inspired.

I love a fancy dinner, and I adore good conversation, but what I really wanted was to order delivery and help them with their most recent project. I wanted them to turn to me and ask me what the biggest problem was right then in my life and create a diagram on butcher paper of how to navigate it.

I want late night fajitas, margaritas, big ideas, and crashing on the futon after hours of pushing each other to go further faster.

I want early morning workouts, goodnight calls, adventures, and sleeping in on Sundays.

I want mental stimulation and engaging conversation fueled by greasy burgers and locally brewed beers.

And, most of all, to be cared for for who I am.

Because I am quirky and strange and I have come to terms with the fact that I am not for everyone. I am a hard pill to swallow, tough to handle, and like pushing people’s buttons.

But remember, that while I may be hard on you, I am 100 times harder on myself because I know that greatness does not come easy and I plan on achieving greatness.

*originally published as “Reflecting on (Almost) One Year Single” on www.pippabiddle.com