Sarah Shimazaki’s thoughts on SHIFT’s April 12th response

On November 5th 2018, our coalition sent a letter to the Board of Directors at SHIFT calling for Christian Beckwith’s resignation. We believe Christian is the common factor when it comes to issues brought forth not just by alumni from the Emerging Leaders Program (ELP), but also former SHIFT staff, SHIFT festival attendees and volunteers.

We did not come to this decision immediately nor lightly. Many of us engaged with both SHIFT staff and the Board of Directors well before, during and after the events that transpired at the 2018 festival. We sat through difficult conversations, trying to hold a white-cis-hetero-man and his organization accountable for the harm they continue to cause people of color, year after year. We cried in frustration and anger as old traumas and wounds were reopened. We ultimately felt powerless in the midst of a white-dominated industry that frequently seeks to profit off black and brown bodies through Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) marketing, yet silences, gaslights and vilifies us when we dare to speak up.

After SHIFT, I personally expected to hear more from the Board of Directors. I wanted to see a public acknowledgment of what happened and how they, the Board, might address these mistakes. I thought perhaps the Board of Directors might check-in with us, the very people they claimed they were working for. Many of us had existing relationships with SHIFT’s board members and applied to ELP in the first place, because we thought the organization and program had their stamp of approval. How were we feeling after a traumatizing and exhausting week? What challenges were they facing, trying to drive change from the inside? How could we support each other? Were there ways we could work together to change SHIFT for the better? I did receive a note from Christian only after the organization I work at, Resource Media, sent a letter to SHIFT on my behalf. Christian told me he was soliciting feedback from ELP participants to learn how to improve SHIFT and wanted my thoughts. It was a conversation I not only felt uncomfortable having because of the power dynamic, but also felt I already had — didn’t I spend the last few weeks expending emotional labor in this very way? I responded to Christian, cc-ed the Board, and advised them to hire a Diversity, Equity and Inclusion consultant to oversee the feedback process or have the Board facilitate such conversations. I was told my thoughts would be taken into consideration and didn’t hear more after that.

We wrote our letter calling for Christian’s resignation because we truly believe a change in leadership at SHIFT is what’s needed to ensure future generations of Emerging Leaders do not endure the harm we experienced.

For me, the final straw was reading detailed feedback from a 2017 ELP participant and finding that their experience last year was almost identical to ours. This told me that despite Christian’s best intentions over the years, not much has changed.

Let me talk a bit about how I felt when I received the Board of Director’s official response. It came nearly two months after we sent our initial letter, the Friday night before the holidays. Friday, December 21st. Nearly two months of anxiety, piled on top of our emotional exhaustion and trauma following SHIFT. Nearly two months not knowing what was going on behind closed doors, only to receive a response on the heels of a time when many of us were gearing to check out for the rest of the year, to be with loved ones and take care of ourselves. It was a punch to the gut. I know I’m not alone when I say how utterly, thoroughly exhausted I was at the thought of addressing this letter. Where to even begin? Part of me wanted to leave it all behind, but I couldn’t shake the responsibility I now felt to make sure what I endured would never happen to anyone again. It had to stop with us.

We decided to create a social media campaign, which includes not just this Medium page, but also a series of Instagram stories and letters to our community. I’ll attempt to explain why we chose to direct our energies to this campaign, instead of responding to the Board of Director’s letter.

1. The Board of Director’s letter did not leave us room to respond, really. They outlined promises, but left us with no mechanisms to hold SHIFT accountable and ensure transparency every step of the way. How would we know they were following through on their proposed plan? What were the repercussions if they didn’t? What timeline were they operating on? There was no attempt at establishing a continued dialogue from the Board. It felt like the burden was placed back on us to apply external pressure and continue calling SHIFT out on any future missteps. But where would that conversation even happen — would we have to craft a new letter to the Board every time?
2. After talking with previous ELP cohorts and former SHIFT staff, we realized that many of the promises they laid out were already made in the past. A woman of color from a previous ELP cohort was hired to coordinate the 2018 Emerging Leaders Program, but she quit after a few months because of a difficult working relationship with Christian. This made us realize that, even if they hired a new person to coordinate next year’s ELP, this person ultimately still reports and answers to Christian. We didn’t feel confident that this would address the issues we had with the program.
3. We began to feel that if SHIFT wasn’t going to publicly acknowledge their mistakes, then we’d have to go public about our experiences and stories for the sake of our community. Our community had to know what we experienced, so they could make an informed decision on whether or not they too should get involved with SHIFT and apply to ELP. At the very least, they could walk into the Emerging Leaders Program with eyes wide open on where the organization was at in their DEI journey.

There aren’t enough words to describe the pain, exhaustion, anger, sadness, powerlessness and fear I’ve experienced since my very first interaction with Christian Beckwith, months before the SHIFT festival even began. It’s frustrating to read SHIFT’s letter on April 12th, where they seemingly try to position themselves as leaders on the DEI journey by saying they hope others can learn from their mistakes. How can they teach accountability to others when they refuse to practice accountability in their own organization?

As a wise friend and co-conspirator of mine said, it’s simply disappointing to watch the SHIFT Board of Directors, some of whom I’ve come to respect and admire over the last few years, prioritize a white man’s feelings and intentions over the safety and wellbeing of people of color.

This is why we #WontTakeSHIFTanymore. This is why #ItStopsWithUs. This is why we demand that #ChristianBeckwithResign.

Sarah Shimazaki