The Touching Stick

The Touching Stick is made of 3 old Muji gel pens that no one ever bothered to buy refills for. The pens are held together with gorilla glue and duct tape. The stick is stored in a compostable plastic cup from Sweetgreen filled to the brim with 190 proof Everclear, 91% alcohol, enough alcohol to kill all kinds of viruses.

At first, the Touching Stick was used most often to press elevator buttons. It then began to touch other things, like the buzzers to therapists’ apartments. It was recently equipped with a stylus tip, and can now be used to interact with the myriad touch screens that live all over the city. The Touching Stick saves lives.

The NYS governor decides to fabricate his own Touching Stick, assembled by the hundreds of thousands of public school students who build them in exchange for a bowl of soup every other day.

Touching Sticks go high tech, and soon everyone in Silicon Valley is trying to make their own, looking for a way to use the sticks to collect fingerprints, germ profiles, and heart-rates.

To everyone’s (aka only Silicon Valley head honchos) amaze, Apple beats its Touching Stick competition with the Apple Stick. The Apple Stick incorporates a beautiful 360° Viewing Experience into a Gorilla Class Everclear Housing with a soft-touch anodized aluminum bezel. A new social content-creation platform, StickFace, takes the world by storm, using the cylindrical screen as a new storytelling constraint. Entertainment Industry executives begin grooming fifteen year old StickFace influencers before abandoning them at the age of twenty two.

Bustle and Buzzfeed start posting think pieces and listicles entitled “The TouchStick is the Next Best Thing to Happen to Your Sex Life.” and “30 Touchstick Accessories on Amazonooglebook That You Didn’t Even Know You Needed.”

Teenagers find a way to drink the Everclear encased in the Apple Stick’s housing. Multiple proms end in tears.

The New York Times publishes an article saying that Touchsticks might be really bad for your skin, and that they may cause Arthritis.

No one remembers what any surface feels like other than the Gorilla glass and soft-touch anodized aluminum of their TouchStick 7 Pros. Clinical trials begin on microdosing opioids to be used as treatment for the new crop oxytocin deficiencies people have developed from not touching each other.

Apple debuts Touch Claws, and no one needs to touch anything anymore. The Apple Claw sells out on its much-anticipated release date. It comes in Rose Gold!