3 ideas that once taken, you won’t feel bad anymore
Today we’re going to talk about mindfulness.
It’s easier for us to see new things through images, that’s why I’ll bring here stories.
Story one — a kilo of cookies
You’ve had a fight with a close friend. You said a lot to each other in hearts, so much and so hotly that now you can hardly remember what exactly started from. You cut off your phones, and ruined evening. You’ve been friends since school and now it’s over. You’re trying to distract yourself, but inside screaming: “How can it be?”, “He called me that!”, “No, it’s too much”.
Unfair, outrageous, impossible. You’re angry and tense. And then there’re cookies in front of you.
You feel like you need to eat one to feel good about yourself. Or better two, no, all twelve. And this is not right.
Story Two — Italian Dreams
It’s getting cold outside. You’ve had a tough week, your physical and mental strength is exhausted. You want everyone to get away from you. But if not the alarm, then the dog, children, friends, neighbor drills, obligations will push you out of a cozy bed. You flop into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee to set yourself up to survive the “free” day. And, uncorking the can, you feel the smell, full of warm strong espresso cups memories on the shore of Positano.
And, as in the movie, everything around you stops, and your thoughts are already away. The sun gently goes up through sleepy houses, glued to the rocks like nests. The street is empty. The café owner cleans the bar, his wife puts the chairs back. They greet you with a cheery “Chiao!” and place a scalding drink in front of you on the table. You gratefully take it admiring the sunrise with long shadows of the lemon trees.
And right now, in your sleepy kitchen, it seems to you that to feel good, you need to get away from everyone and everything to Positano again. And this is also not right.
Story three — mom’s hands
There’s a quite important event ahead. You have to present your project to investor. Payback figures, growth potential, unit-economy and market capacity are calculated, everything fits, designer has made a brilliant presentation, mistakes are excluded. You firmly believe in success and are determined to win.
But the evening before you suddenly have doubts. You call your mom to share, and she either doesn’t answer or is in her own business. No, like every mom, she says: “You can do it. It’s not the first time,” or something like that. She’s talking, but she’s not really supportive and she doesn’t hear your. You hang up the phone, regretting you called.
You feel like you need to feel her hugs, breathe in the smell of cream from your mom’s hands to feel good. And that’s completely wrong, too.
You feel bad right now. And you think that some circumstance — a kilo of cookies, Positano, your mom’s involvement — can fix everything.
You think that particular emotions are making you feel bad. But they’re not.
Sure, we have emotions, and not all of them are pleasant. But no emotion can make you feel bad, hurt you, or prevent you from living. What’s more, an emotion doesn’t last. If you hang on it, it is no longer an emotion, but your thoughts:
— Thought one: Cookies will calm you down.
— Thought two: Positano will restore your resources.
— Thought three: Mom will help you believe in yourself.
And these thoughts actually lock you in a state of “bad” and keep you from feeling reality. And to overcome this, you need to find these thoughts and replace them.
You react with a state of “bad” or “good” because you have thoughts:
to feel good, you need this, this and this (cookies, Positano, mom’s hands).
or vice versa, for it not to feel bad, you don’t need this and this (fights, gray weekends and doubt).
All of this is from not accepting reality as neutral
Fall and bad weather is just there, it’s not bad or good, but you resist it and start to feel emotions.
A successful or simply joyful person has exactly the same number of arms and legs, brain cells, the same number of hours in a day, the same chance of things working out or not. But then why not all of us are stars?
It’s simple to the point of banality — they don’t give up. And there’re two relationships:
You keep going no matter what happens because you’re able to deal with negative feelings → you’re able to get over them quickly because you’re in harmony with yourself, your big wish, and feel pleasure in process.
Accept and practice it, and you will never feel bad again, and thus you will succeed:
1/ All facts of life and circumstances are neutral; they cannot, by themselves, evoke positive or negative emotions. No emotion can make you feel good or bad;
2/ Any reaction you have is your evaluation, that is, the meaning you attach to a neutral fact, your own or someone else’s thoughts;
3/ You can only get rid of unpleasant reactions by replacing limiting thoughts and accepting reality as neutral, as it is.
That’s all I have for you for today. Hugging.
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