A Vicious Cycle of Self-Sacrifice, Burn-Out & Time-Off — A Story of Potential Change
I had a 1:1 with my manager today and I asked for some time off at a bad time, and oddly, I felt good asking for time that is difficult to organize.
I don’t know where I got this from, but I don’t like to ask for help, even with close friends, I find it difficult to ask for help.
I relied on myself most of my life, I didn’t like feeling I was dependent; if I couldn’t get what I wanted by my means, then it was for the best I didn’t.
Both my parents are very proud people, I’ve rarely seen them ask for help, and without a balance, I am not surprised I grew up to be the same.
Out of Office
Whenever I asked for out-of-office time, I always felt tremendous guilt.
I think it is a given that someone else has to pick up the slack — I felt guilty about leaving my colleagues behind with extra work.
Guilt-driven, I always waited for the perfect time to ask for time off. It felt better when I ensured that the setting was perfect: the workload during the period was less, all hands were on deck..etc.
Self-Sacrifice
I say yes to every request at work, and unfortunately, I still do.
It is a habit in me to always be willing to help, despite it negatively affecting me, personally and professionally.
I don’t say that with pride, I frankly don’t like it, I do not know how to draw boundaries well. I worry about insult and offence.
A Bad Mix
Being too considerate and self-sacrificing leaves me burnt out all the time.
I am writing this burnt out.
I think being considerate and offering a helping hand whenever it is reasonable makes sense, but not when it is at the cost of health and sanity.
The same applies to sacrifice, I like the idea of being good and sacrificing for the sake of others, but with prudence.
This brings me to the story of why it felt good to ask for this time off.
Expect From Others
It is okay to expect help from others, most people often return favours — I think this is how we naturally are.
I had to go out office for bereavement and my colleagues rushed in to cover for me, no questions asked.
Why? It’s because I was there for them when they needed to leave. It is also because people want to genuinely help if we let them.
An exchange of favours, I think, expands relationships. There is a shared vulnerability in asking for help that makes the relationship human.
1:1
When I asked for the time off that I wanted, I felt rewarded.
It’s strange I know, but I think feeling like my efforts entitle me to time off that works best for me felt good.
It felt like a reciprocal relationship, I sacrificed for work, but work had to sacrifice for me this time.
Final Thoughts
All this really is to say: ask for your time off, you deserve it.
I like to keep my time off a mix of entertainment and productivity, so of course I like to play video games in my time off, but I also like to add something productive like writing or reading.
How do you spend your time off? Genuine question, not rhetorical, share with me!
Peace,
Ali
