Finding peace and gratitude in rejected pitches and drafts.
Rejection is part of the writing life, yet no one gets used to it.
Dealing with and accepting rejection is never an easy thing.
We all get rejected in many ways. As a writer, rejection is a huge part of the process. If you write for a living, you’ve probably experienced the following being rejected:
- Your carefully-thought-of pitch
- Your proposed themes
- Your chosen topics
- Your first draft. Second draft. Third draft. Or even more.
- The new software you want to try.
- The new laptop or tablet you want to try.
And there’s much more. The list goes on for us.
I sometimes wish that the industry would be more merciful to any writer out there. But that’s wishful thinking.
It’s like asking life to be kinder to us, and life doesn’t work that way. We can wish not to encounter hurt in life but sometimes things just happen, and they don’t make sense. Or if they do make sense, it takes some time.
Sometimes, (fortunately) it’s a necessity for our growth. It takes you one step closer to becoming stronger than yesterday. Because that’s where resilience is built.
If you ask me, how do you deal with all the rejection for years then?
I have loved writing ever since I was a kid. Early on, I experienced a lot of rejections. I mean, who doesn’t?
And every time, I thought running away and giving up was an option. But it never was.
Because every time, my love for writing always wins. I tried to do other things aside from writing, but I found myself coming back to it.
And thankfully, every time, I come back stronger as a writer.
There’s no formula for accepting rejection in writing. You will feel disappointed, hurt, or sometimes angry. You will want to walk away for now, or forever. But you can lessen the impact of those negative thoughts or avoid them from clouding your thoughts.
You can replace it with peace and gratitude instead.
Thank the universe that you have editors.
I see every feedback from editors — negative or positive — as one step closer to being an amazing writer.
I tell myself that if my pitch got rejected, it doesn’t mean I am rejected as a writer. It only meant there were many factors that I didn’t consider — like how the idea could be potentially offensive or just wrong. And thank goodness, an editor is there to see all these!
Even feedback from colleagues, my target audience, and other people is very much welcome. It can be my next step to a brand-new idea, or to polish my current writing project.
React reasonably now; acknowledge your emotions later.
Denying that I felt something wouldn’t get me anywhere. Plus, I heard a lot of times from people that suppressing your emotions is not good for your health.
So if I feel disappointed, I try not to let it show on my face. I learned to name my emotions and pretend that it’s an old friend that I need to call back later. After all, I don’t want to miss what my editor is telling me!
Later, if I have even just one minute, I will talk to my emotions like an old friend who was angry, disappointed, or hurt that I had to drop our call. I will talk to them and comfort them for not answering the call immediately.
Sounds weird, but hey, it’s a skill I’ve learned from Emotional Agility by Susan David.
Will leaving the writing industry make me happy?
Seriously, this is something you have to ask yourself.
Life is already cruel as it is. If there’s only one thing I can ask from it, it’s to find something that makes me happy and actually keep it.
Whenever I am met with rejection or I feel that writing has only been a negative force in my life, I ask this question to myself: Will leaving the industry make me happy?
If things are going well, it’s easy to say that you are happy with what you’re doing. If things aren’t going well, it’s easy to say that it isn’t.
Writing is courage, and courage doesn’t always build up overnight. Sometimes, you have to retreat.
And I say, if ever you want to walk away from writing, then do so. But never close your doors. Things can find their way back to you in some form.
For me, I would advise that you stop now but gather the courage to continue. Make that comeback real!
