In Sickness and in Health — What Does it Mean?
If you have attended any wedding, the vows will often contain the phrase ‘In sickness and in health’ followed by ‘till death us do part’. But what does this phrase mean?
To love someone unconditionally whether you become sick, or remain in good health, and to remain married to them whatever circumstances take place.
My Daily Failures
I will be honest with you and say that I fail to love my husband unconditionally? Sometimes I have conditions that I want to be met, before I can give any love, and this is wrong. We are frail. We say the wrong things. We think the wrong things. We are in competition with one another. We try to be better than one another. This is how the world shapes us.
I’m diagnosed with Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder, otherwise known as Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m pretty unstable most days, and my volatility is taken out on my husband. I don’t mean to act in those ways in the moment, but when faced with overwhelm I don’t know what else to do but to lash out. I’m not proud of myself. In fact, I apologise daily for my behaviour, but I wish I could stop. Yet, through it all, Christian’s attentiveness and hugs show me that he loves me.
The Fruits of the Spirit
Did you know that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to love unconditionally as human beings. The scriptures describe love — agape love, the highest form of unconditional love that exists — as one of the fruits of the Spirit.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 meekness, temperance: against such there is no law — Galatians 5:22–23.
So when we think that we love one another, are we truly loving another unconditionally, or can we be honest with ourselves and say that we have conditions that must be met in order to fulfil our love?
I hate to say it, but I even have conditional love toward my beautiful baby daughter. Sometimes I want her to act well, whether it’s nursing, eating her breakfast, dinner, and tea, and also sleeping, and when she doesn’t I get stressed and feel like I withdraw my love.
Marriage Vows
I said those vows ‘in sickness and in health’ in August 2021 to Christian, but I think he fulfils them more because he has patience, whereas I struggle there. I could blame my mental illness, which does exist within Christianity, but other Christians think that mental illness is sinful behaviour. All I know is that I wish I were better. I wish I was a better wife and a better mother. I cannot control my emotions. That’s part of my disability. I’m on the wait list for Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and have been so since 2019. I’m tired of having to repeat myself to GPs and nurses.
In the areas of cooking and cleaning where my husband suffers, I have strengths there, but it’s also challenging with taking care of a baby. My wellbeing and mental health has deteriorated since I gave birth. There is no way that I am eating an additional 500 calories per day for breastfeeding, because I don’t have the time to eat. I’m often not drinking enough fluids either.
When I watch these Married at First Sight shows, only a fingerful of people take marriage seriously. I suppose if these shows didn’t contain drama, no one would watch them, but still some of them don’t even give their partners a chance.
Final Word
If you are blessed to have a husband or wife, cherish them every day. Show your gratitude in the little things, whether it’s making them a cup of coffee or tea when you’re making one for yourself, or how about writing them a poem, or leaving love notes around. The world is against enduring marriages, which is why they make shows like MAFS that take the mick out of this God endorsed bond for life.
One year into our marriage, I fell pregnant just before my 42nd birthday. To be honest, we had only been making love on my fertile days during the months, but it was God’s timing, and while being a parent is hard, it’s also rewarding. Grace has just passed nine months and pulled herself up onto her feet today by grasping onto the sofa. She’s a wonderchild.
