LOVE CONQUERS ALL
Regardless of the Racial and Cultural Differences
“I’m so lucky!” exclaimed Jane, “I married Li, even though he comes from a traditional Chinese background. He may be discreet when showing affection in public, but instead, he prefers physical love and touch behind closed doors.” During my visit with Jane and Li, we discussed marrying someone of a different race and culture.
In the early 1980s, Li was a Malaysian student at the University of Melbourne on an exchange program. When Jane met Li for the first time on the campus, he was a stiff-faced young man who timidly extended his hand to shake hers. At first, Jane thought Li did not like to make friends with a white girl, but she soon learned that Li was a man from a family of Chinese origin who emphasized the importance of keeping one’s composure. Not long after, they fell in love. After graduating, Li and Jane married and worked together in Australia until the early 1990s. When they retired, they moved to their native Malaysia, where they settled in 2020.
Difficulties in Cross-racial Marriage
Cross-racial marriages may face many difficulties. First, the differences in cultural practice can negatively impact a marriage between partners of the two races. Second, it is not easy to adapt to a new lifestyle, and third, one has to prepare to learn a new language to communicate with the spouse’s family. However, Li and Jane have mutual trust, acceptance, understanding, and tolerance to come to a successful marriage.
Love Makes a Happy Cross- racial Marriage
(1) Coping with Cultural Differences
When a couple loves each other, it is necessary to have an open mind and be willing to learn about and appreciate each other’s cultural backgrounds. Jane has learned to embrace Li’s way of expressing love through actions or implications instead of words; at the same time, Li has become more comfortable with physical affection like hugs, cuddles, and kisses.
(2) Adapting to Your Partner’s Lifestyle
To love someone is to love everything about him — his customs, lifestyle and habits.
Li lives a comfortable life in his home country, but Jane has to make an effort to adjust to the lifestyle in Malaysia. As a result, they may experience disagreements on some issues. However, Jane has adapted to the local customs and has no trouble using chopsticks when eating fried noodles and having local black coffee (kopi-O) for breakfast. While doing the house chores, she walks barefoot in the house. Like any other Malaysian housewife, Jane enjoys shopping for groceries from the market in the morning. She is now used to addressing elderly people as ‘uncles’ and ‘aunties’.
(3) Learning New Languages
Language is the expression of love and a bridge that connects one to all others to better relationships.
There is a benefit of a cross-racial marriage in exposing individuals to new languages, which can help build stronger relationships with others. In Jane’s case, she is multilingual and fluent in Malay and Chinese, which enables her to negotiate better prices with vendors and have good conversations with Li’s relatives.
Love Conquers All in Successful Cross-racial Marriages
In the union between individuals of different nations and cultures, love has brought both partners together to adapt to each other’s nationalities and cultures. This adaptation needs adjusting to different lifestyles and learning new languages to communicate with the people in their new community. Li and Jane’s success in a happy marriage shows how cross-racial marriages work well.
“There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” — Martin Luther
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