Old People who Say They Aren’t Afraid of Dying are Liars
So is your dumb friend who took shrooms last week
I think about death a lot.
Sure, I have phases where I don’t think about it, when I am caught up in what is going on in my life. When I am busy and need to keep focused.
In fact, this is arguably why I keep busy. So that I can keep those scary thoughts in the back of my mind. It’s much easier not to think about death when you are trying to learn a new recipe or how to build a table. But inevitably, Death sneakily finds it way back into my thoughts. With its black coat and silky gloves like a little asshole.
I am terrified of death. Not a very cool thing to say, especially for men. It would be much better to have a nonchalant attitude about it. Treat it like an annoying little brother that keeps bothering you but you don’t give it the time of day.
Unfortunately for me, it’s not like that at all. I’m going to be laying at my death bed sobbing, and my children’s last memory of me is going to be me crying about how I’m scared to die. About how I’m a coward.
I keep trying to tell myself that it’s not a big deal. Right? It happens to everybody. The one thing we all have in common. It’s the same thing as before you were born. No big deal.
Except it is a big deal. No fun fact or philosophical cliché is going to change my mind. The idea of having consciousness and then that consciousness suddenly being over is terrifying. Seizing to exist is terrifying. But it is going to happen. It is inevitable and every day it doesn’t happen is another day that it steps closer.
A friend once told me of a conversation he had with his father. In a rare vulnerable moment, he asked whether his father was afraid to die.
His father sort of looked at his feet and mumbled while smoking a cigarette
You live a while, you kinda do everything there is to do, it gets kinda repetitive after a while.
My friend told me this story gave him a level of comfort about death.
I think the story is bullshit.
I think his dad lied to him and was secretly terrified of dying. Not only that, but I think every time an elderly person claims to not be scared of death, it is a lie.
But why do they keep lying to us? Why not be vulnerable and honest? Why not judge admit that we are all universally scared and it doesn’t ever get better.
When I told my same friend about this, he disagreed. He genuinely thinks that with age comes with an amount of wisdom. And with that wisdom comes a degree of solace and acceptance about death.
I don’t think so though.
I really do believe everybody is terrified of it.
I think my friend is half right. I do think that with age comes wisdom. But I don’t think that wisdom comes in the form of acceptance about death. I think that wisdom comes in the form of obligation to society. In this case, the form of making people feel better about death. They lie that death is not that big a deal so that younger people can feel less scared.
To give us comfort that with age, things will get better.
And society eats it up because we want to believe its true. We love that narrative. I definitely want to believe that I won’t be scared of death when I am old, it makes me feel better and fills me with both relief and hope. That I will be content with it and welcome it like an old friend.
But I don’t think that older people are immune to this fear. Old people are terrified of dying. The reason they say they are ready is because they want to make the people around them feel better. They want their family sitting around the bed to feel at peace with it. Saying they are no longer afraid to die is a social service, allowing those closest to you comfort. Grandpa only said it to make me feel better. He was a hero in that sense.
I am fully aware that there is a very high chance that I am wrong. That I am projecting my own fears about death onto others. Obviously, I am terrified (If you haven’t picked that up by now).
I don’t know who will be reading this, but I would absolutely love if anyone in the more elderly range responded to this. I would love to hear the insights? Are you scared? Have you found peace with it? Do you lie to comfort younger people? I am so genuinely curious.
