What I learned from caring for my elderly parents
It’s hard to find insights when you have an ailing parent, but we learn from both the good and bad in life. I hope this helps you avoid the bad in yours.
“Your father has a condition that causes irregular heart rates," said the cardiologist. And just like that, my worldview was altered forever.
The warning signs were there—the slow but steady build-up of the blood pressure medication, knees giving in under the increasing body weight, and the ever-so-often sleeping pill to deal with the anxiety from work.
But my grandma didn’t raise no quitter. And so, true to the cliche of Indian parents everywhere, my father did one thing he knew best—soldier on!
If my father were a truck driver, his bumper sticker would read, It’s all about the family.
While that diagnosis was not fatal on its own, dramatic change was needed. The doctors were clear: any further deterioration in the vitals, and we would be looking at lengthy hospital stays and potential threats to life!
60 is the new 40, and I was determined to help him turn the clock back.
It has now been 6 months since we started on his path to recovery; here are the three most important insights that I have uncovered:
- It is mentally and financially straining to be the primary carer. DO NOT get me wrong here; I am not one bit the ungrateful son who thinks, ‘I didn’t sign up for this’. But as millennials, we are at the peak of our work lives, and for many, parenthood awaits or has just happened. To be able to provide financial resources and dedicated time to care for our elders is a commitment that is not for the faint-hearted. The term Sandwich generation has been used frequently to describe that particular demographic.
As a NY Times article puts it, “The share of carers who are under 45 quintupled over the past two decades, to nearly 66% from 16%, as their parents—many of the baby boomers—are living longer but doing so with more chronic diseases and disability and less means than the generation before them.”
If you anticipate the need for financial commitment for elderly care, put aside an emergency fund. As economical as state-run hospitals may be, the infrastructure, or lack thereof, doesn’t allow quick and effective healthcare.
Private healthcare comes at a substantial premium. When it comes to health insurance policies, the devil is in the details.
2. Healthy ageing is key: At the risk of sounding obvious, exercise, a healthy diet, going to the doctor regularly, and taking care of mental health are critical factors in making sure elders can live as independently as possible and maintain quality of life as they age.
3. A sense of purpose is the holy grail of ageing gracefully : My mother-in-law, a fiercely independent and driven lady, lost her husband early in life. She dedicated the next 30 years of her life to the firm goal of ensuring a brighter future for her three fatherless daughters.
But with age and having accomplished her life’s sole purpose, she lost her drive. Though only 70, she is now a shadow of her older self.
A set of hobbies, travelling with friends and family, picking up projects that work never allowed earlier, helping out the community—anything and everything is a valid reason to look forward to the next day.
A bit more awareness and the right action early in life can ensure our elders transition to retirement smoothly and with a lot to look forward to.
After all, I am my father’s son, and IT IS all about the family!
Written by Anand P
Thanks for staying until the end. If you liked the piece, I would love to hear your experience with elderly care in the comments section:)
