Why My Memories Are All Golden — Lightbulbs
My memories from childhood all have a golden hue to them, not because I’m being nostalgic but because of the environment I was brought up in. With a combination of old, worn-out lightbulbs, wood panel walls, and burnt orange shag carpeting, if you projected my memories like a film, you would assume it was taken using Kodak Gold film.
My attempts to recreate this aesthetic include buying warm-lit bulbs, painting my walls darker colors like burnt orange or brown, being obsessed with wood paneling, and being overly obsessed with lamps. But alas, I’ve been unsuccessful in recreating my memories.
We all fall back into our nostalgia, with our ‘back in the day’ rhetoric and ability to essentially erase the bad. We want to be a kid again and live in a simplistic way even though we might have had a not-so-good childhood.
I find myself drifting through my memories, trying to find moments of peace, no matter how simple.
My favorite was sitting in my Grandparent’s living room; I couldn’t have been older than 8. No overhead lights on, two lamps dimly lit, and M.A.S.H playing on the television. My Papa sat in his worn-out leather recliner with a wrinkled bag of Levi Garret chewing tobacco (a habit of mine rotted in nostalgia), the light making the logo of the old warehouse glow. I sat straight up in an attempt to be seen as proper; my Papa was a military man whose approval meant the world to me. I sit here in my memory feeling simple, longing for a time when I could sit empty-minded, surrounded, and protected by an immense amount of love, which was the result of a ton of struggle. My belly was full from my grandmother’s cooking, the room smelt like chewing tobacco, and the wood burned in the fireplace. I sat there with the man I would one day long to have a conversation with.
This memory focuses on light. How I was able to see and perceive my life in a way that would stick with me for the years to come. It’s simple, and perhaps that’s why it sticks with me. I don’t remember feeling too cold or hot but rather content. That is the golden light I chase, not a sunset for an Instagram photo.
What light are you chasing?
