Author’s Note — (“Seeds”)
This Author’s Note was written for my short story, “Seeds.”
Often the first question I get from those who read “Seeds” is, “Is this really fiction?” My answer is yes. Although I could have possibly categorized “Seeds” into creative nonfiction, I stick to my decision to leave it as a fictional story although it is a made up of bits and pieces of real moments of my life. Janice Beals is a real girl. Her father is a real father. And there are many more Janice Beals and Mr. Beals or Mrs. Beals out there in every sport in the world.
Growing up as a kid tennis player, I didn’t realize what was going on. I didn’t know what was okay or what wasn’t okay. As a kid, I just never thought to say “no” to anything. For someone with abusive parents, this can be dangerous, especially if no child says anything in a sports environment where speaking out can be seen as weak or as having a lack of discipline — things that are very much frowned upon in a world of athletes. I was lucky enough to never have to deal with the fear of being physically hurt after a loss, but some of my friends weren’t.
From my experience in playing at the junior national and international level, Division I college level, and even coaching juniors after my college tennis career came to an end, I have seen the strain on relationships (including my own) between children and their parents. While coaching juniors, I realized that the worst part about this parent-child relationship when it gets shaky is that the adult in the relationship — the parent — is the most oblivious to it of all. I strongly believe that it’s not that parents are willing to sacrifice their relationship with their child, but that they are unaware that they are sacrificing the relationship with their child in order to come out with the W — or to give them a little more credit — come out with a full scholarship to a college that charges $50,000 a year for tuition or, better yet, a professional athlete’s income.
Is it so bad for the parent to push their child toward’s greatness? Is it a bad thing to push your child in order for them to get ahead in their sport? Especially if their child is the next super star athlete? Wouldn’t it be a waste of athleticism? Of a gift? Of talent? Let’s be honest, no parent is okay with paying thousands of dollars, investing in their child-athlete’s career when they know their child is playing, not to win, but only to have fun and hope that it works out. I know that I am not yet qualified to answer for parents from the parent’s point of view, but I know I have some issues that I can address coming from the other side, the child’s point of view. I want to bring awareness to the parent-child relationship that is barely able to exist in highly competitive sports. I don’t believe that the question is if parents should push their children. I believe the question is how can parents learn to recognize when they are pushing their child towards a goal within competition in such a way that is pushing their child away from them as a parent. And once that awareness is there, I even wonder how to show a parent that a child wants a parent — needs a parent — there beside them.
I believe there is too large a number of parents that hurt their child and justify it by the “tough” and competitive sports environment they are in. I have been coaching for almost five years now, and only once in my entire coaching career have I felt compelled to walk up to a parent and thank them for being so supportive. I’ll never forget it. The boy lost his match, and the first thing his mother said to him when he came walking off the court was, “I am so proud of you.” She gave him the largest of hugs, and they watched his friends finish their matches before leaving. I admit, I was shocked and even somewhat emotional. I would love to see more parents like that. I would love for parents to find a balance in the parent-child relationship in the world of sports.
I hope that “Seeds” brings awareness to the parents in recognizing when something has gone too far. I hope that it brings hope to the athlete in knowing he or she is not alone. I hope they realize that there are many athletes who grew up dreading those long car rides home and understand that sometimes the disappointment they felt from their parents wasn’t always what they deserved after hours of trying their best. I also hope that everyone else involved in sports — including tournament staff, referees, and coaches — realizes that they are a part of what makes up the competitive environment that they work in. We are all a part of this. We are all letting Seeds and their parents get away with more than they should.
