Appropriate Behavior
for a Young Woman
Traveling Alone
A short noir screenplay about a zeppelin and a ray gun.
Ext. Zeppelin Aft Platform — Sunset
The sun blazes over a distant quilt of green and gold as the zeppelin soars above the countryside. May leads Paris out onto the aft platform with a laugh and a wink. He catches her up in his arms and twirls her around.
May
“You were right: It’s breathtaking. Thanks for taking me out here.”
Paris
“I think it was your idea, but anything for a pretty face.”
May
“Whatever kind of girl you think I am, airman, you’re wrong. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company while the sun goes down.”
He’s clearly more interested in other things going down, but moves his hands to the railing. He takes in the view for a moment, but his eyes wander back to the girl. There’s something in those big, dark eyes, the way they open up like flowers when she screams bloody murder—
May
(screaming bloody murder) “What is THAT?!”
Paris follows her finger down to a jet of water trailing behind the airship.
Paris
“That’s just ballast being ejected from the holy shit!”
In the crimson light, he almost doesn’t notice the streaks of pink spurting out amidst the water. Impossibly, the airship is bleeding.
Paris
“I need you to go back to the passenger compartment.”
Int. Zeppelin Envelope — Night
Paris and several other crewmen examine one of the room-sized balloons of water that provide ballast for the airship. They poke and prod a shadow being cast across its translucent bottom until it suddenly coalesces into a human silhouette.
Crewman 1
“Sweet Edison’s Grandmother!”
Paris
“One of our passengers is a killer.”
Int. Dining Car — Day
The filigreed furniture would look ostentatious if not for the liveried men and women sitting in it. They trade excited whispers. May stands near the back door, alone.
The forward door slides open and several crewmen enter; Paris is with them. The Captain’s voice crackles over the P.A.
Captain (off-screen)
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have reason to believe a crime has been committed aboard ship. Please remain in the Passenger car while the crew conducts a headcount and security sweep.”
Paris makes a beeline for May.
Paris
“Afraid I didn’t catch your last name, Miss…?”
May
“Day. It’s Miss Day.”
She extends her hand, but he just stares incredulously.
Paris
“Your name is May Day?”
May
“I should avoid air travel, I know.”
Paris
“It sounds like an alias.”
May
“Strong words from a man named after the most effeminate city on Earth.”
Paris
“It’s a nickname. Are you traveling alone?”
May
“Fair enough. I’m traveling with my brother… who I haven’t seen since we took off. You don’t think—”
She swoons. He catches her.
FADE TO BLACK
Int. Zeppelin Cargo Bay — Night
May crouches by a safe, deftly working on the lock. Paris creeps up behind her.
Paris
“I thought I left you in the infirmary.”
May
(Not pausing in her work) “You have a terrible nurse. Never ask her to watch your purse; she’s none too vigilant.”
Paris
“There you go, insulting my masculinity again. Keep it up and I might think you were just using me to create a distraction.”
May
“Are you suggesting that a slip of a girl like me could overpower a crewman, much less lift his body up to the ballast tank and dump him inside?”
The lock pops open and she stands. Paris draws his ray gun. Electric arcs snap and pop around the chamber.
Paris
“I think you know a lot about it.”
May puts her hands up and takes two languid steps toward him.
May
“Thank you.”
Her hands snap together around the gun, turning it sideways. She spins around him and to one side, bringing his arm with her until it’s painfully outstretched. The gun slips from his strained fingers and she finishes her pirouette with Paris firmly in her crosshairs. The gun fires and he goes down.
May
(Fading) “You’ll probably get fired for this.”
FADE TO BLACK
Int. Zeppelin Infirmary — Night
Paris wakes up face-down on a cot. The nurse is pressing an ice bag hard against the back of his head. A wet mannequin lies limply on the next cot over.
Nurse
“Oh, good. You’re awake. Hold this. I gotta hit the head.”
Paris
“What happened?”
Nurse
“You hit your head.”
Paris
“Where is she?”
Nurse
“The thief? Escaped in the deck plane. You should know: there was no murder. They fished that dummy out of the water balloon. She must’ve used 10 gallons of food coloring. Oh, and she left this on your face.”
The nurse grabs an envelope off a desk on her way out the door and tosses it to him. It’s empty and there’s just one word written on the front…
“Paris”
Paris
“Huh. That’s either a terrible love letter or an unbelievable invitation.”
He crumples it up and throws it in the trash.
END
